Sesshoumaru's Twisted Tales
by Raven-2010
Summary: In one shots Sesshoumaru has hilarious adventures. Inuyasha hears something so shocking he cannot believe it. A hungry pup leads to a surprise. A split in half crystal ball causes an eerie strange occurance. A pervy panty thief makes a claim on Kags panties. The gang are modern vampires sharing a big house and humor leads to a surprise. Comedy, romance, Sessh/Kag
1. Chapter 1 Strange adventures

**Disclaimer I don't own Inuyasha Rumiko Takahashi, and VIZ Media do, comedy, Rated R language**

Summary Sesshoumaru has a series of wacky adventures. 1 Inuyasha hears something so shocking he cannot believe it. 2 Kagome has to deal with a greedy hungry pup and there is a surprising twist to it. 3 A crystal ball has a shocking unexpected affect. 4 A panty thief makes a claim on Kagome's panties. 5 The gang are vampires sharing a big house. This is a chaptered series of 5 or more complete one shots per chap there will be some OOC,ness. Special dedication to **TheLostPrincessOfTheEast**, she helped me a lot, lol** Sessh/Kag**

**Sesshoumaru's Twisted Tales**

**By Raven 2010, May 27 2012**

Story 1

**Everything is not always what it seems to be**

"Inuyasha? Kagome teasingly called

"Yes my little wenchy? You called"

"What are you up to? She asked

"Nothing, why do you always think I am up to no good?"

"Because my sweet little hanyou you always are,"

"Wenches you can't live with them and you should not try to," he replied and laughed

"Correction my friend it is women you can't live with them and you can't live without them," Miroku jokingly corrected "But I would never try to live without them,"

"I still say my version is the right one. And admit it monk you love Sango pounding your groping ass,"

"I shall not dignify that with a response,"

"Ya because you know it's true" hah? Inuyasha replied

"And so is no goodies for a month the right version," Kagome said

"Damn now that's hitting below the belt," Inuyasha replied

"I did not hit your manhood so stop whining,"

"Hah like you little female she devils need physical contact to wound a guy," he said

"Want me to kiss it and make it better?

"What, sweet Kagome never swears talking dirty?" Miroku commented, "I like it, I like it,"

"Shhh, I want to hear his response," Sango exclaimed gently jabbing him in the ribs with her elbow at the same time

"Kiss, Kiss make it better? Inuyasha slightly stammered questioningly with his hands clamped over his manhood

"Yep I'll kiss your boo, boo and make it all better," she teased puckering her lips

"Eee" he shrieked "Kagome you're giving me the creeps your one scary wench you know that?"

"Relax I am a miko and have a cure hold still it won't hurt a bit," she teased making kissing sounds

"Oh no ya don't you're not purifying my sweet roll and rice balls,"

"Don't be ridiculous and hold still sweetness," Kagome continued

"Sweet roll and rice balls good one laughing," Miroku exclaimed

"Leave it to mister ramen fiend to, to name parts after food," gasping for air Sango commented

"Ah bye nice knowing you," Inuyasha replied with wide eyes and ran like hell 'Must protect the jewels at all costs' he thought

"Kagome you sick girl I think the poor things scarred for life," laughing Sango said

"Did you hear that sweet roll and rice balls? Guess my lunch just escaped me," laughing Kagome choked out

"What would you have done if Inuyasha had agreed to let you? Miroku asked

"Then I would have told him he had to kiss mine and make it better first," Kagome answered

"Cough, damn," Sango responded

"Sweet escape check, no perverted wenches check, peace and tranquility check," The hiding hanyou mentally ran his list

Inuyasha continued his journey into the forest and that is how it all began, as he continued his walk into the forest he heard something far off in the distance so he continued slowly going towards the source of the sound. He finally arrived near the place it was coming from but kept some distance between himself and where it was coming from his ears twitched atop his head like sound searching radar beacons

"Oh lord Sesshoumaru," the voice said

'What the fuck? Inuyasha mentally questioned

"I've never had anything like this before,"

'Would he? Nah I'm going nuts even he's not that low' Inuyasha thought

"This is wonderful so good,"

"That's her," he mumbled

"I can't believe it oh kamis," she exclaimed

'He wouldn't she's only thirteen' Inuyasha said to himself as he crept a bit closer until he was only a short distance from the bushes

"Oh lord Sesshoumaru so good if only this could last forever,"

"Yes I have never had anything this good before," Sesshoumaru exclaimed "Hmmm I am in heaven,"

"Sesshoumaru you dirty son of a bitch she is only thirteen years old," charging forward into the bushes claws flexing ready to fight Inuyasha bellowed

He came to a screeching halt when he saw Rin, and Sesshoumaru sitting on a patch of grass Rin eating goodies that she'd never had before brought there and given to her by Kagome chocolate covered strawberries candies cookies chocolate. Sesshoumaru had eaten some of the sweets and a chocolate covered strawberry and was licking the last of the chocolate from his fingers. Sesshoumaru looked at Inuyasha with a UN describable look on his usually calm unreadable angelic face

"Ow" Inuyasha yelped when Sesshoumaru's large hand smacked him upside his head

"That is for letting your mind wander to dark twisted places where it should never go," Sesshoumaru bit

"But I thought,"

"That is the problem you did not think you acted first I have far more honor then that fool," Sesshoumaru bit

"Damn fluffy don't get your hakama in a twist,"

"Perhaps I should twist your neck," Sesshoumaru replied "You know that game pop goes the hanyou,"

"Inuyasha sama what were you thinking?" Rin questioned

"Yes do explain to her exactly what it is you thought," grinning Sesshoumaru added "And be descriptive,"

"Tell me Inuyasha sama," Rin said

"Well I um, I thought that Sesshoumaru was, he was trying," Inuyasha couldn't finish

"You thought Sesshoumaru sama what? Rin asked playing dumb she already knew but wanted to torment the poor hanyou more and was quite enjoying it

"Yes do continue dear brother," Sesshoumaru needled "Details I want details," he added making Inuyasha redder then his robe

"I thought that he was plucking flowe," he started and stopped "Popping a ch cherry," the hanyou stammered "Ow" Sesshoumaru smacked his head again "Damn you fluffy,"

"He thought that I was trying to rob you of your virtue," Sesshoumaru answered

"Cherry oh that pesky thing he took care of that when I was eleven," Rin said with a fake real looking serious face "Best day of my life," she added with a real looking dreamy expression

"He, you eleven years old, took, he," Inuyasha choked then "I'll kill you, you bastard,"

"Hehehehe lord Sesshoumaru he is too easy," laughing Rin gasped

"Yes he is,"

"You, you mean you were pulling my chain, damn it kid don't do that," Inuyasha scolded

"Damn mutt that is messed up even for you" where's your mind up your ass? Better hurry up and crap it

out before it gets lost permanently" Kouga who had been passing by and heard the whole thing ragged

"Yes and do it quickly before it is too late," Sesshoumaru added

"Shut up ass faces," Inuyasha snapped

"Up yours and around the corner you know Dog breath your so full of crap you could fertilize a dozed farm crops," Kouga shot back "Maybe there is a certain cherry he's already plucked," he hinted

"What" Inuyasha barked

"Sit" was Kouga's answer before wide eyed Inuyasha could respond Sesshoumaru took over

An evil thought formed in Sesshoumaru's clever mind "Perhaps fool you need to see exactly what it is that I do like," smiling evilly Sesshoumaru exclaimed

"Uh oh," grinning Kouga said

"What the hell are you up to? Inuyasha asked "Whatever it is you better forget about it,"

"Worry not mindless one you will see soon enough," Sesshoumaru answered then disappeared in his orb of light

"Fuck he headed for the," Inuyasha didn't finish but took off at top speed following his brother

"Sit you know Kouga sama I thought he would have caught that hint immediately she is the only one who sits him," smiling Rin said

"Oh I have got to see this," Kouga said and ran

Kouga beat Inuyasha getting to the village a couple of minutes after Inuyasha arrived to see the smiling wolf looking ahead. Following his line of sight he nearly screamed when he saw the scene Sesshoumaru with Kagome wrapped in his arms passionately kissing her. Scenting his brother to add fuel to the fire Sesshoumaru took hold of one of Kagome's thigh lifted her leg and put it over his hip then inched his hand up higher

"Good matchmaking mutt," Kouga needled

Rin and Jaken arrived on Ah Un and landed gracefully "Master Jaken look lord Sesshoumaru has found a mate," the happy girl exclaimed

"Yes it seems so and of all females his brothers miko,"

"Shut it ya stinking toad she ain't his," Inuyasha said

"Inuyasha my friend I do not have your keen canine sense of smell but even I a mere human can tell Kagome is highly turned on by Sesshoumaru's attention," Miroku happily stated jabbing the hanyou at the same time

"Sesshoumaru sama add some tongue," Sango coaxed he did

"Yup she wreaks of it," Kouga needled

"Sesshoumaru you let go of he," Inuyasha never got to finish

"Little brother," he said after pulling his lips from Kagome's

"Kagome now's your chance get away from him,"

"Hah, who?

"What wench you forgot it's me Inuyasha?"

"Who, Inu? Kagome practically panted "Your here,"

"Little brother see you around," was the last thing Sesshoumaru said just before his lips took Kagome's and at the same time they flew of disappearing into the horizon

"Good job dog breath," Kouga jabbed

"Why couldn't I have been an only child? Inuyasha moaned

"Because your father who I knew well did not want to be or die a wall flower," Kouga razzed

Days later Sesshoumaru, and Kagome returned a mates "Thank you little brother" Sesshoumaru said

"Yay I have a new mommy," Rin exclaimed

"And I have a father," Shippou added

"And I have a headache," Inuyasha griped

Story 2

**It all started with a shrimp then came a hungry pup**

As Sesshoumaru sat at the table enjoying his plate of shrimp Kagome watched then an evil thought crossed her mind and a smirk formed on her lips. Just as Sesshoumaru went to put the last shrimp in his mouth a hand snatched it away from him with speed even demons would envy once the jolted shocked taiyoukai regained his senses and looked he saw the smirking miko wearing a victorious grin

"Miko?

"Miko, where is there a miko here? Can you introduce her to me? Kagome innocently answered

"You will return my shrimp now or there will be dire consequences and you will pay dearly," Sesshoumaru warned

"Shrimp, what shrimp," she replied waving it back and forth

"The one between your fingers damn woman it is mine now hand it over,"

"No I cannot do that,"

"And why not? he replied

"Not after I just saved his life,"

"Saved his life? Sesshoumaru answered

"Yes I saved him from the jaws of a hungry dog,"

"I care not he neither lives or feels and is my meal now you will return him to his rightful owner or else," he warned

"Like this? She answered and popped it into her mouth

"Woman you have just signed your own death warrant,"

"Yeah, yeah fear me big bad fluffy is going to eat me sniff, sniff I am so scared somebody save me," she taunted while wiping away fake tears

I'm hungry" was his only reply and when she looked instead of golden eyes she saw copper colored eyes "Woof"

"Wait right there Kaggy is going to get you some food don't kill or eat anyone before I get back,

"Do not think to leave me sweet treat,"

"Gulp" she responded

"Oh Miko of mine? Sesshoumaru taunted as he stalked her like the prey she was

"Relentless dog," she mumbled "Why did I have to go swipe and eat his shrimp?

"Miko there is no point in hiding from me,"

"Says he who can sniff out his prey from five miles or more away," she mumbled

'So the minx wants to torment me' he thought

"Uh oh he's up to no good" she mumbled when he disappeared "Hey where the hell did he go?

"Boo" he teased

"Eeeee" she shrieked when he popped up behind her

With his nose against her he sniffed her "Slurp"

"You, you wouldn't,"

"Pant, pant whine," was his only response

"You would you lower than a snakes belly laying on the ground inu weasel,"

"Woof," was the answer she received

"Crap" she exclaimed and ran

"Miko delight after I finish small tasty and filing and I am a hungry dog in need of meat,"

"Oh no" she panted from the chase "Eeeeek," she screeched when a huge tongue licked her from her ankles to her cheek "Eew gross, damn it Sesshoumaru that's not fair you can turn into a big ass dog and lick me,"

"Hehehe" he laughed and licked her again this time up and down

"Eew now I need six baths and a gallon of bleach, look what you did dog juice all over me,"

"I was marking my territory," the cocky smirking back in his humanoid form Sesshoumaru told her

"Why you, you dirty dog,"

"Yes a dog I am thanks for remembering a naughty dog but not a dirty one," he exclaimed

"You licked me, I cannot believe it you licked me"

"Yes I did and I intend to do it a lot more you are a tasty little treat," he taunted

"I'll give you something to lick you creep," the outraged miko snapped oh how he loved it when she was all riled up "Lick this you louse," he saw her hand glow pink

"Really? Was his annoying to her response, then an energy ball headed straight for his butt and hit "Ooo kisses from my loving adoring miko," he teased

"Kisses I'll give you kisses,"

"Well I gave you kisses so it is only fair you give them to me as well" is it not? He teased

"Oh I'll give you a kiss a really big kiss,"

"Miko?

"Pucker up big boy," she replied

Wham "She loves me she really loves me," he taunted whack the branch hit him on the butt again "Hard kisses oh yes Sesshy like,"

"Damn dogs you can't live with them,"

"And you can't live without them," he added

"Stop running and I'll show you lots of unending love,"

"What no courting and gifts first? I'm not some cheap classless tart" he ragged "If you really love me you'll have to catch me first than you can shower me with all the love you want,"

"You creeep," she yelled

"Hah, what, am I seeing right Kagome chasing Sesshoumaru?" Inuyasha asked rubbing his eyes in disbelief then looking again asked

"Yup" Rin answered "Fun hah?"

"Sadistic giant fur ball I swear to gods I never thought I'd live to see mister killing perfection being chased by and running from a little woman," Inuyasha replied "This is priceless now I've got something on him and great blackmail material, thank you kami,"

"Yep but believe it or not Kagome started it," Shippou told him

"Kagome started it how?

"It started with Sesshoumaru chasing her after she swiped his shrimp," Shippou replied

"Shit she took his shrimp and is still alive well ain't she the little daredevil," Inuyasha exclaimed and smirked "Fluffy must be getting soft in his old age,"

"Or maybe soft for a certain female," Miroku added

"Inu's going to be an uncle," Sango teased

"Shhhhh, shut up woman that is the last thing we need is little fluffys running around shit life is hard enough as it is without his spawn torturing me. Sessh does fine on his own being a pain in my ass," Inuyasha said

"Aw I hear the love," Miroku razzed

**With Sesshoumaru, and Kagome**

"Ow, ouch miko I am wounded do you think you can kiss it and make it better?" Sesshoumaru teased

"Hold still doggy dearest,"

"Only if you promise to love me gently," he teased

"Why you," he disappeared "Where the hell did he g? She started "Ahhhhh" she shrieked when she suddenly heard

"Meow"

"Will you stop sneaking up on people like that," she scolded "Mmmmm," was all she could do when his lips conquered hers with a searing kiss

After a few minutes her hands journeyed up to his ears and began massaging them he groaned in ecstasy after a while he pulled back but his need was evident by the sight she took in "Woman I am about to show you exactly what that does to inus and the consequences of said actions,"

"Uh oh, did I do that?" she innocently asked as she gazed at his lower half

"Indeed you did and now you will pay," he closed in on and conquered her like the predator he was

Next day

"Hey fluff did she pup you yet? Inuyasha teased his newly mated brother

"Aren't you ready to deliver your litter yet? Was Sesshoumaru's quick reply

"You first married big bro,"

"Very well and you shall be their target," the evilly smirking taiyoukai replied, at that statement Inuyasha felt a twinge of dread

**Three months later**

Three months had passed and Kagome gave birth to a beautiful looks exactly like Sesshoumaru male pup she named him Maru, Sesshoumaru was a proud doting father. One month later it had been a long day and Kagome was tired Sesshoumaru had coaxed her to take a rest and sleep, Maru was a good pup he hardly ever cried, the happy parents heard a cry Maru wanted his food

"I will get the pup mate you stay and rest," Sesshoumaru said

"Thanks handsome,"

"You are more than welcome gorgeous," he replied

Sesshoumaru quickly returned with a smiling happy pup who had one little clawed hand wrapped tightly around one of Sesshoumaru's fingers. Being of demon blood Maru grew faster than human children though only one month old he was already the size of a two month old baby. Kagome grinned widely the second he saw her pup reached out with his little arms his fingers flexing

"Mama" Maru spoke for the first time

"Papa" Sesshoumaru coaxed

"Inu?

"No papa, father, inu yes I am an inu as are you," Sesshoumaru told him

"Inu, Inu papa," Maru replied

"No papa, not Inu papa father,"

"Inu, and papa,"

"Yes" Sesshoumaru answered

"Inu Papa," Maru excitedly exclaimed "Yay Inu papa," the grinning clapping pup added

"Not Inu papa, oh I give up," Sesshoumaru said in defeat Maru laughed

"Aw look at that their having their first father son fight," Kagome teased

"Inu Papa oh that name" could he not just say papa like normal pups do," Sesshoumaru lightly griped

"Well you are an inu and his papa so yeah Inu Papa makes sense," Kagome said

"Remember that my dear mate when and if he ever calls you miko mama, or inu mama," he told her

"Big baby,"

"I will show you what this big baby can do when we are alone he needs motherly love to," he replied

"Maru want mama food," Maru cutely said Sesshoumaru handed Kagome their son

"Aw that's my baby drink up," Kagome cooed as Maru fed she felt sleepy "Sessh yawn when he's done

will you put him to bed please?"

"Consider it done,"

"Thank yo," Kagome didn't finish as sleep had claimed her,

"You are welcome," he said Sesshoumaru laid down beside her keeping Maru between them

A while later Kagome felt the familiar pull with her eyes still closed "Maru greedy pup you've had

enough," the suckling continued "That's it mister tomorrow you're going on a diet,"

"Sniff, sniff," was heard

It did not stop she slowly opened her eyes and looked "Sesshoumaru Taisho," she nearly yelled

"Whine" he looked up at her with sweet angelic big puppy dog eyes

"You over grown milk thief,"

"Whine, whine," he really did sound like a puppy

"Stop the puppy act your way to old and big for this," she scolded, he simply and quickly switched breasts

"You milk thieving lecherous dog,"

"Mmmmmm" he moaned at the pleasurable taste of the milk on is soft tongue

"Taisho Sesshoumaru,"

"Hmmm,"

"Don't you hm me," being an inu miko Kagome was all healed the same day after having Maru

"Whine" escaped Sesshoumaru as she tried to pull his lips away from her breast

"Sesshoumaru you," she never got to finish because the second his lips left her breast they were on hers

"Yes Sesshounaru," she called out as he took her, and Maru was asleep in his bed a well fed happy pup

Months later "Oh no I'm leaving Japan forever," Inuyasha whined when he got the news that Kagome was pupped again only this time twins one male the other female

"Oh stop being such a big baby," Sango scolded

"Baby my ass Maru is bad enough now the little mutt is going to have partners in crime and me as their target. And just when he and I had an unspoken deal no more torturing the hanyou,"

"Come on Inuyasha the boy isn't that bad," Miroku defended "Grow some balls man,"

"Oh really who used sticky tree sap and glued me to the tree? Who painted kick me on the back of my hakamas above my but? And who hid the ramen and told Kagome I ate all of it? He reminded "Oh that would be Maru,"

"That was fun," Sango said

"Yes but you have to admire him he really is highly intelligent and very inventive," Miroku replied

"Say that when fluffy junior sticks your ass to a tree," Inuyasha retorted "Oh god's I forgot another fluffy junior is on the way somebody take pity on a poor old tired hanyou and end me now,"

Sesshoumaru's second son was named Mattaki, and his daughter Sakura by the time they were three months old they were the size of one year old's they'd continue to grow like this until they reached the age of eighteen. Just as Inuyasha feared Mattaki helped Maru torture him, but when Sakura was around they didn't dare mess with him because she'd kick their asses like Inuyasha said at least he had one pup on his side

"Ha, ha suckers," he taunted his nephews sticking his tongue out at them

"Do not worry butt weed we have not forgotten about or dear uncle why that would be family neglect," Mattaki replied a pint sized version of wiseass Inuyasha with Sesshoumaru's face

"Indeed we have not brother," Maru sounding much like his father added

"Don't worry uncle Yash I'll protect you," Sakura promised

"See you two creepy little mutts are whipped by a girl ha, ha, ha," Inuyasha taunted, his nephews were griping but like their father hid it well beneath a cool mask of indifference

"And so will you be to someday soon," Mattaki the wiseass replied

Story 3

**Double trouble**

"Inuyasha, Shippou I told you two that thing is not a toy now stop," Kagome scolded as they continued to toss the crystal ball back and forth to one another like it was a toy

"Relax wench nothing's going to happen I won't let it I've got better reflexes then a cat," Inuyasha bragged

"Hisssss" indignant Kirrara vented her anger

"You to females, sorry all except you," she meowed

"Yeah Kagome stop worrying we aren't going to let anything bad happen, besides it's just a crystal ball, what harm could it do?" Shippou said

"But you two do not understand, give it back," Kagome demanded

"No way nothin doing," Inuyasha replied

"Inuyasha come on, please?" Kagome tried pleading "Double Ramen for a month if you do," she gave puppy dog eyes

"If he turns that down the boy needs his ass paddled I volunteer and he should be to be caged," Miroku said

"If he refuses that the boy needs to be drawn and quartered," Sango added

"Well if he does it is an imposter because the real Inuyasha never would turn down a deal like that," Miroku added

"Um Inuyasha maybe we should give it back Kagome looks really worried," Shippou told him

"Ah runt you know women all they do is worry," the cocky hanyou replied

"With you around we have to," Sango wisecracked "Kags did say double ramen for a month,"

"This is one time I must agree," Miroku added

"Hey, and you monk ya suck up grow a pair," Inuyasha retorted

"Hey dummy double ramen for a month," Sango reminded "Let me at him I'll kill him now for ya Kags,"

"For real Inuyasha I am serious double for a month give it to me now and I'll make it triple," Kagome offered

"Miko you waste your time patience and breath little brother never listens because he lacks even basic common sense," just arriving Sesshoumaru stated

"You should know fluff king of morons," Inuyasha shot back

"You see this is an example he is the pillar of stupidity king of his kingdom imbeciles," Sesshoumaru retorted

"Says he who battles demons two and three times his size and is now cowering over a little crystal ball," cocky Inuyasha said "Sniff me cry like a girl now,"

"No fool I state a simple fact,"

"Ah be a man," Inuyasha needled

"I was born one" what prey tell is your excuse? Boy"

"Sweet" grinning Sango added

"I'm out" Shippou noting the deadly serious look on Sesshoumaru's face said

"Grow a pair be a man chicken fox it's a measly harmless crystal ball," Inuyasha needled

"No mindless fool it is the kuro," Sesshoumaru started but never finished

It was unintended, it was an accident but it happened Inuyasha had not paid attention when Shippou said he was out and stepped away. He tossed the crystal ball again thinking Shippou was waiting for it as it flew through the air. After hearing what Sesshoumaru started to say knowing what it was panicking Shippou leaped up trying to catch it but it was an inch too far away the crystal hit the ground and immediately split in two the light pouring out of it almost blinding. Just as quickly the light died down and standing there were two Sesshoumaru's one grinning wickedly the other looking deadly serious, gasps came from the observers

"No the kuro crystal of duality," Miroku added

"Now you've done it," Sango said "Does he even realize what he has done? She whispered to Miroku

"Nope as usual he is clueless," Shippou stated

"Two fluffys ,I've died and gone to hell two fluffys," wide eyes Inuyasha groaned

"Little brother," both Sesshoumaru's said in unison

"Oh no, wasn't one hell enough now there's two of them, why kami, why?" Inuyasha whined

"See I told you over and over again I tried to tell you hell I didn't even sit you," Kagome scolded crash

"Dam ou wenc," war his incomplete muttering because of the dirt dental massage he was currently receiving

"Oops that just slipped out," she exclaimed as he hit the ground

"Sure it did wench," Inuyasha bit

"Be happy that's all I did,"

"Why you," Inuyasha responded

"You creep Totosai entrusted that to me to guard it until he returns and look what you did," Kagome bit

"Miroku did you notice one Sesshoumaru has black hair and is wearing all black, and the other his usual white?" Sango asked

"Yes that is the duality of it light and dark like ying and yang you might say,"

"Oh boy he just opened the door and invited hell in," Sango added

"Little brother I could kill you I should kill you vermin." Sesshoumaru said

"Hey hanyou puppy what's up?" Sesshoumaru 2 needled and enjoyed the red fuming hanyous expression

"Ooooo" Inuyasha groaned unable to find words

"Maybe I should let you live and just shred you a little," Sesshoumaru added

Then all eyes widened when they heard "Oh pull the stick out and live a little you mentally constipated old fart," Sesshoumaru 2 said

"If you were not part of me I'd dissolve you with my acid,"

"Well I am so get used to it I might want to stay forever," Sesshoumaru 2 replied he was a real ball buster

"Oh no there is not going to be two fluffys I won't have it, only one or nothing at all," Inuyasha informed them "Ones got to go you two decide which one it is going to be, maybe the black haired one can stay at least he has a personality,"

"Oh boy two Sesshy's every girls dream," Kagome ragged to add to his stress "How's a girl to choose?

"You take the angelic one, and I will take the one in black," Sango added loving Inuyasha's horrified look "I love bad boys,"

"Whaaaaat? He shrieked

"You take the miko and I'll take the slayer," Sesshoumaru in black said yep he was the ball buster of the two "Ready to do some mating? Miroku knowing what he was doing nearly choked trying to stifle a laugh

"Sang you lucky girl he's horny and ready to go," Kagome was having a ball rattling Inuyasha's cage

"Sango? Inuyasha called "And you, you gods damned letch,"

"We have to devise a system one is all in black with black hair, the other all white and white haired," Sango said

"I have an idea how about we call original Sesshoumaru by his name and the second one Maru?" Kagome suggested "Plenty of hot inu lovin to go around,"

And you, you wenches call Miroku perverted my freaking brain is bleeding," Inuyasha griped

"Worry not nervous prince of purity our pups will be strong and of great beauty," Maru needled Inuyasha

"I do not fucking believe this he was only born made a few minutes ago and already he's planning mating pups and god knows what else," Inuyasha bit "Sessh you creepy bastard you hid a sick perverted and twisted side of you all these damned years," he said to the original Sesshoumaru

"Don't get your fundoshi in a twist you might rupture something vital," Maru said "We so need to get you laid" question is do you have anything to work with?

"You can expect nothing less from a drama queen," Sesshoumaru stated

"Oh I get it little bro worships virginity like a goddess," Maru needled "What a waste even half dogs need lots of dipping the poor miko how cheated she must feel,"

"Oh damn he's as bad as you Inuyasha," Miroku exclaimed

"Hey shut up snow princess," Inuyasha snapped "And you monk you better sleep with one eye open."

"You leave my dark prince alone," Sango said referring to Maru because of his black hair and outfit

"Whoa two of them, Yo Sesshoumaru didn't know you had a twin," Kouga who was passing by stopped

and commented "Hey mutt now you can say jackpot cuz you just won double gold,"

"Oh great slimy ookyme," Inuyasha insulted

"That's ookami, lord Kouga to you peasant," he taunted to get under the hanyous skin

"Hah, I'm a lord to butt face it's only a title and don,t mean shit,"

"Whatever lord loveless," Kouga sniffed "Hey how come they smell exactly alike, all twins have a

slightly different scent from each other?"

"They're both Sesshoumaru Kagome answered

"Hah, what? The confused wolf responded

"You heard prince clueless," Inuyasha insulted

"Wait till you hear why," Kagome said and told Kouga what caused it

"Ow,' I am going to kill you," Inuyasha yelled when Kouga smacked his head

"What's wrong with you? Kouga replied "What did you crap your brains out the last time you took a shit in the woods? Explains the healthier than usual foliage"

"It was an accident, besides it's fluffys own fault he got in the way,"

"So you did crap your brains out. Fluffy, for that name alone Sessh ought to kill you," Kouga said

"Wolf you better sleep with one eye open better yet don't sleep at all," Inuyasha wisecracked

"I do believe it is you who should sleep with one eye open," Sesshoumaru told Inuyasha

"Brother I have a gift for our little brother," Maru spoke

"Do tell," Sesshoumaru replied

"Wait right there now don't move," Maru said

Sesshoumaru was a man of action, after all though separated they shared one mind so Sesshoumaru beat his other half to it. In under a second he had one arm around Kagome's waist and the other hand resting on her rounded backside kissing her and his tongue battling hers. Even though she had been caught off guard and very startled at first the miko did not struggle against the inu lord and he could not be happier and was ecstatic when he scented his little brothers ire

Maru applauded "Now little brother watch closely you can learn a few things,"

"Shut up fang face,"

"Note how he takes the lead and uses just the right amount of tongue," Maru was a sadistic one

**Later that night**

Both Sesshoumaru,s shared the same wicked thought and it would drive Inuyasha up the wall and back down again, Miroku waited with barely maintained self control. That night when the pack went to bed for the night, Inuyasha did what he did every night he scanned the surrounding area for intruders then he did the same thing in the village. His eyes fell upon the miko and he gasped when he saw Kagome who was sandwiched between both Sesshoumaru's sleeping like a baby

"What the fuck is this shit? What are you two planning to have a gang bang three way with her? Inuyasha screamed waking everyone up

"If you wish to continue being a boy I very strongly suggest that you refrain from any further needless outbursts," Sesshoumaru calmly replied

"Yeah you seriously need to shut that toilet you call a mouth before I get pissy about it," Maru warned "Ah forget he is to dense to comprehend anything,"

In a flash Maru disappeared "Ahhhhhhh," carried through the air

"Need a glass with that civilized people use one," Maru taunted

"You, you bastard I'll kill you" Inuyasha screamed while jumping around

"Stop whining princess" or aren't you a man anymore? Yes Mmaru had flown off to an icy snow covered mountain returned with ice and drooped it down into Inuyasha's hakama "Chilled dog keeps the meat fresh,"

"You fuckin," Inuyasha started

"Ah, ah, ah no cursing in front of the young ones," Maru tauntingly scolded while clamping a hand over his mouth

"Maru can I bear your pups?" Sango teased

"I'd be honored,"

"Yawn, come on Rin lets go we're never going to get any sleep around here anyway," Shippou said

"Yes I know a good place," she said then they took their bedding and left Rin holding his hand, Ah Uhn followed

"You won't be killing anyone because I'll be killing you for waking us up" what are you a sadist? Sango said

"He put ice down my pants, let him do it to you and see if you don't scream louder than any man I bet,"

"Aw was little head overheated again from doing all the thinking?" she needled

"Go to bed will you/?" Miroku added

"Hey where the hell are they? Inuyasha said when he finally noticed Sesshoumaru, and Kagome were gone

"My guess would be for a walk," Miroku answered with a devious grin

"Ya right Fluffy left just to go for a walk, I'll believe that when hell has a snowstorm," Inuyasha

"Sesshy's a big boy he can fuc," Maru started

"You were going to say fuc," Inyuasha exploded and was cut off before he could finish

"Yes nutless one a walk in the furry forest, the bat flies into the bat cave, happy pole in the mink hole," Maru needled "Plowing the field rotating the crop,"

"Cough, cough shit he's worse than me," Miroku gasped as he broke out laughing

"Nev, never thought I'd see someone who could out do you," Sango gasped

"Yeah asshole I get it fucking f-u-c-k-i-n-g," Inuyasha snapped spelling it to stress his point

"Saw the wood, poke the bear," Maru continued needling

"He sounds just like Inuyasha," Miroku commented

"But worse, who would ever have thought that Sesshoumaru had a hidden side the same as but worse than Inuyasha aka Inumoutha," Sango said

"Wick in the candle stick, planting the mighty oak tree, pole in the friggin hole duh well in your case somewhere else," Inuyasha shot back

"Show the girls what you've got," Maru replied at the same time pulling Inuyasha's hakama down leaving him standing there with his fundoshi showing "Show them what a Taisho is made of,"

"What the fuck did you do that for bastard? Inuyasha screamed

"For inferring that my pole would go in something other than the correct hole you neanderthal,"

"Half of Sesshoumaru or not I am going to kill you," Inuyasha snapped back his hand was raised deadly claws ready to strike

"Ooo kitty has claws," Maru jabbed

"Yeah and I'm gonna sharpen em on you," the enraged hanyou then swiped his claws at the others midsection

"Give it your best shot puppy,"

Something strange happened when Inuyasha's claws struck Maru became like a ghost and it was as if his claws were hitting air. Maru began fading away he smirked at the hanyou and gave him the finger infuriating him even more, Inuyasha hah,d. Then a howl tore through the forest it was an inu, yes the brothers had been so busy fighting they hadn't realized that over a half hour had passed by giving Sesshoumaru plenty of time to mate with and mark Kagome, then the comical part came

"Hey you pussy get back here and fight like a man you aren't getting away from me," Inuyasha bellowed then it dawned on him "Howl fluffy, Kagome, mating, nooooo,"

"Yeeeeees," Miroku needled "Yes, oh gods yes my Sesshoumaru sama,"

"Miroku you nasty monk," Sango exclaimed "Oh harder Sesshy harder,"

"No my dear that would be naughty monk I am never nasty unless you want me to be," he replied and winked "Now where was I? Oh yes, a little to the left Sesshy sama,"

"Miroku you son of a bitch it ain't funny," Inuyasha snapped

"Inuyasha my friend you have to understand from my position it is very funny," he was grinning evilly "Oh Kagome this is wonderful," he imitated a female voice

"Oh really laughing boy try laughing when you're in the position of my fist in your face," Inuyasha shouted

"Go ahead the ladies love a wounded man they'll comfort, cuddle with me and some even more,"

"Gods damn monk is everything about sex with you?

"You know the old saying loving is always better then fighting any day," Inuyasha did not realize Miroku was keeping him busy so that Sesshoumaru, and Kagome would have more mating time, plus he enjoyed tormenting his hanyou friend

"In your case being a pervert is always better then fighting,"

"You say pervert I say love," Miroku replied "Besides I am a lover not a fighter,"

"Yeah love of pervertedly groping poor unsuspecting innocent girls,"

"Try it some time you might actually like it," the monk teased "At the rate your going you will never get any,"

'I gotta get in on the fun' Sango thought "Inuyasha?

"What?

Sango walked over to the unsuspecting hanyou bent over with her butt up and said "You can practice on me go ahead I don't mind,"

"Do it, do it, do it," Miroku chanted

"Sango what the hel," Inuyasha started when Jaken cut in

"Yes and lord Sesshoumaru is big all over, and I mean big," he needled

"Jaken has a raunchy side? Miroku whispered "Oh well the more the merrier"

"What? What the fuck? I don't want to know that shit," Inuyasha bit, Jaken was immensely enjoying tormenting and riling him "You sick little toad that's my brother,"

"So big I hope he didn't split the poor miko in two, she is such a sweet little thing to I'd miss her terribly," Jaken was having a ball "They don't call him the big oak tree for nothing,"

"You little green sicko I ought to dissect you," Inuyasha snapped

"Then mi lord would will dissect you,"

"Ooo I'm so scared not," Inuyasha said sounding like a child "First I'll roast ya then serve you to all the other demons in the area there won't be much meat but they can share,"

Next morning

"What's going on? Asked Shippou who had just returned with Rin

"Where are Kagome, and lord Sesshoumaru? Rin asked

"I bet I know by the way Inuyasha's acting lord with Sesshoumaru, right?"grinning Shippou said

"The most wonderful news lord Sesshoumaru has just taken a mate," the excited little kappa announced

"Really? Smiling Rin asked

"I thought I heard a howl late last night but I was half asleep," Shippou said

"Whoop dee doo lord red berry popped a cheery let's throw a party," Inuyasha wisecracked

A month had passed Before Kagome, and Sesshoumaru returned "Standing with your hakama down and your fundoshi showing," Sesshoumaru razzed "Have you no shame or decency?

"Wait a minute how the hell did you know tha?" Inuyasha started to ask

"It is simple as my other half began rejoining me I saw his memories he was a busy and fun loving fellow,"

"One I hope to never meet again," Inuyasha replied

"Want to or not I think one day you will," smiling evilly Sesshoumaru said

"Fluffy"

"Hanyou? Sesshoumaru wisecracked

"Hey don't call me hanyou,"

"Yet you do not cease calling me fluffy" do you? Hanyou" Sesshoumaru needled

"Fluffy bastard,"

"Poofy hanyouess," Sesshoumaru shot back

"That's even worse," Inuyasha complained then thought 'Why did I tell him that?

"Hey Shippou I like you," Rin exclaimed and kissed him on the cheek

"I like you to," he replied and did the shame

"Runt" Inuyasha said warningly

"Quiet fool she is the kitsunes future mate," Sesshoumaru stated "I trust him I know he'd never try to take advantage of her he is an honorable kitsune,"

"Thank you lord Sesshoumaru, ha,ha see that Inuyasha honorable," can you claim such? Shippou added "Zombie chaser,"

"Inuyasha you leave my baby alone he's courting," Kagome scolded

"Oh no," Inuyasha moaned when two months later he heard Kagome was pupped

"Yes dear brother little fluffys just for you," Sesshoumaru needled

"How can you do this to me, you hateful prick?"

"It took hours of hard work but it was all worth it in the end uncle Yash," Sesshoumaru needled

"I truly hate you gloating bastard,"

"Do we need to have the talk dear brother? Sesshoumaru teased

"No fucking thank you I know all that shit already genius,"

"Remember I'm here for you baby brother," Sesshoumaru jabbed emphasizing the age difference Inuyasha growled

Story 4

**Panty Thief**

Sesshoumaru lounged beneath a tree he patiently waited, something had been nagging at him for days curiosity and the need to know what was in the miko's yellow bag was gnawing at him nearly whittling away his sanity. As much as he hated the shade of yellow that bag was he wanted a chance to snoop in it a recent glimpse of something had caught his attention three days back. He had heard Sango, and Kagome talking about a certain item and that is what had peaked his curiosity, Inuyasha jabbed him in the ribs with his elbow

"Damn it Sessh if they catch you listening they'll kill you," Inuyasha warned in a low voice only youkai could hear

"Such concern little brother warms my heart. If you stay silent they will never know," Sesshoumaru replied

"I don't wanna die to,"

"An ulterior motive just as I thought," Sesshoumaru said

"Yeah well you are the only brother I've got you creepy mutt,"

"Such love and devotion," Sesshoumaru teased

"Ah don't go getting all mushy that sappy shit is for girls,"

"Aw and I had a wedding kimono all picked out for you," Sesshoumaru ragged

"Holy fuck man don't say that shit even as a joke cause if Kagome doesn't kill you I will ya creepy bastard,"

"Be a good bride to be and go fetch some water to cook the evening meal,' Sesshoumaru happily needled

"Keep it up you dick and I am going to slice off your tree trunk and shove it so far up your back door you'll need a search party to find it,"

"Ah but alas I fear you have not a sword tool or weapon big or strong enough to deal with or cut said appendage off so I have not a care or concern about it," the sadistically smirking taiyoukai needled

"By all the devils in hell you make my brain bleed," as if in pain holding his head with one hand Inuyasha exclaimed

"Feminine ailments you have my full hearted sympathy," then Sesshoumaru finished him off with "Are we cramping yet? Be sure to bathe regularly the smell really is quite offensive,"

"Thanks fang face now I am going to have nightmares for a week the mental images are already forming and burrowing into my brain and are permanently burning themselves into my memory,"

"No thanks are necessary it is what caring elder brothers do for cherished younger brothers," Sesshoumaru needled barley able to contain he's needing escape laughter

"Kirrara do me a favor while I'm gone and use fluffys butt as a kitty claw sharpener," Inuyasha exclaimed Kirrara meowed and looked at him like he was nuts "Girls they all love the damn moko, moko on legs,"

"It is merely my natural charm that they are drawn to,"

"Forget it later freak," Inuyasha said and took off

"That was really quite enjoyable thought he'd never leave, how about you?" Sesshoumaru asked Kirrara who meowed in agreement

"Hey Kagome Sesshoumaru did something to Inuyasha because he just took off into the woods like a bat out of hell," Sango said

"Don't know what but I am damn sure not complaining,"

**The following day**

Sesshoumaru patiently waited for the girls to gather their things and head for the hot spring for a bath, as soon as they had finished eating breakfast they left. He barley hid the smirk that lit his handsome face as he eyed Kagome's yellow bag, Inuyasha caught his brothers line of sight and silently shook his head in disbelief. But secretly held comforting visions of Kagome trouncing his large brother then Sango joining in and helping the hanyous heart leaped with joy then he came back to reality

"Sesshoumaru whatever your thinking if I were you I would not do it," Inuyasha warned

"I am a big dog and very well able to take care of myself,"

"Okay but it's your funeral Kagome is not afraid and though only half your size mess with her shit and she'll attack. And Sango well she is just plain crazy and would merely consider it a good workout,"

Inuyasha told him

"I am well aware of the slayers capabilities have no fear little brother,"

"Okay it was nice having a big brother while it lasted but all good things must come to an end,"

the grinning evilly hanyou said "Sniff, sniff I'll miss you bro," he teased wiping fake tears away

"Weren't you supposed to be doing something?

"Yes father," Inuyasha said and left leaving the happy taiyoukai to do his thing

"Lord Sesshoumaru, lord Sesshoumaru?" Jaken's annoying high pitched voice pierced his sensitive ears

'Note to self remember to kill imp later" he thought "What is it?

"I've been looking everywhere for you,"

"And? Sesshoumaru replied questioningly

"That is it I am happy to have found you is all,"

"Jaken?

"Yes mi lord? The imp responded with a quivering voice

"I would very much appreciate it if you'd go and pick some berries for me use one of the bags in Ah Uhn's saddle bag to collect them in get all that you can,"

"Yes lord Sesshoumaru," the little kappa took off eager to please his lord

"Now where was I, oh yes?'

Once again Sesshoumaru intensely eyed the object of his affection the yellow bag he sniffed the air then looked all around to make sure no one was there. As he sniffed toward the bag a delectable scent hit his sensitive canine nose. He swiftly rose to his feet pulled back the flap on Kagome's bag reached one hand in and felt around until his clawed fingers came across something soft and smooth he slowly and gently pulled it out. He held up his prize a sexy lace pair of panties this was new to him he'd never seen such a thing before he eyed the matching bra on the top of the pile of stuff in the bag

"Such a torturous contraption, it must be some form of female punishment," he said to himself

He fingered his soft Lacey pink prize it intrigued the scent of miko hit his nose yes she had definitely worn it recently there he inhaled deeply and put them to his nose, after a few good long sniffs satisfied him he slipped the treasure into his haori. Upon further investigation he found a cherry red item similar to the pink panties it smelled like cherries mixed with miko the scent alone sent a burst of flavor across his tongue and he was hooked he had to have more. As with the pink ones he held it to his nose sniffing intently Sesshoumaru was lost in his own world and all that was there was cherry flavored miko

He opened the red panties this time holding the crotch to his nose also keeping it against his face this continued for a time until the inu lord felt and decided that that alone was not enough he needed more. Again he held the red treat up next his tongue came out the tip gliding across it the taste exploding across his tongue so intense his golden eyes nearly rolled back in his head, the big inu was in euphoria. He went back to sniffing and that is when a gasp followed by a deer carcus hitting the ground woke him from his dream state

"What, what the hell are you doing? Inuyasha asked 'I cannot be seeing what I thought I just saw' he thought

"Hmm" was Sesshoumaru only response

"Put it back she's going to kill you man,"

Sesshoumaru once again and this time with a witness to see it glided his tongue across the crotch of the red panties "Pant, pant,"

"What the fuck did you just? Oh I cannot believe it" Inuyasha said again Sesshoumaru licked "You did, you did do it you sick son of a bitch," he scolded 'Damn fluffy is a muff diver' he thought

"Hmmm," Sesshoumaru groaned then even faster plunged the whole crotch into his mouth

'You sick bastard, eew. I thought the damn monk was bad he ain't got anything on you, you make him look like an innocent virgin angel," Inuyasha exclaimed Sesshoumaru sucked on it "That's disgusting you really are a sick bastard you know that oh I want to puke?" holding his stomach he took off

Meanwhile Kagome, and Sango had returned and saw the last part dropped their things on the ground were holding their stomachs doubled over laughing so hard their sides ached "Did, did you see Inuyasha his face? Sango gasped

"I know it w was too much," Kagome barely got out "But you know it really is too bad,"

"What do you mean? Panting for air Sango asked

"Tha, hehehe that that they aren't real panties, well not cloth anyways their made of cherry candy,"

"Hah, what? Bewildered Sango replied

"Yep in my time women wear them like panties and the man eats them off of her I only tried them on once,"

"Whoa kinky and freaky," Sango exclaimed

"Perhaps I should have waited until you were in them," a deep baritone voice said both women who had forgotten about the inu lord turned and looked "Panties they are called what are they for?"

"Their kinda like a modern day female fundoshi," she started "You didn't get the real ones but Inuyasha thinks you did this is the best feudal era day of my life,"

"Are you sure? Sesshoumaru teasingly asked

"What? Both women asked in unison

"Are you sure? He repeated

"What do you mean? Kagome questioned

Sesshoumaru reached into his haori pulled out his pink treasure waved them back and forth and at the same time said "Are you sure? Because there are these," he sniffed "Sweet ambrosia,"

"Sesshoumaruuuuu," she shrieked

"Yeeeees? He teased

"Your dead," and the chase began "Give that back,"

"I will when you tell me what their for better yet put them on and show me," he kept running

A heavy breath release was heard and Sango spun around "Help I'm dying," laughing Miroku gasped as he landed on his ass

"Oh some somebody rub my belly it is kill killing me," falling out of the bushes Jaken panted

"You two were watching that? Sango asked

"We arrived at the part where Inuyasha dropped the deer and hid," Miroku explained

"Yes it isn't every day you get to see lord Sesshoumaru involved in such hilarity," Jaken stated "And I never even dreamed he had a perverted side, it is refreshing to know,"

"A rare sight and treat it is," Miroku added "And Inuyasha oh my gods that was hilarious,"

"Master Inuyasha, Sesshoumaru sama, cherry panties, chased by miko," Laughing all over again Jaken exclaimed

"May, maybe it will be miko bites dog," Miroku joked

"St, stop I cannot take anymore," Jaken said

About half an hour later a female shriek was heard then all went dead quiet. Three hours passed by then a howl rang through the forest "Sesshoumaru," Miroku exclaimed

"He's taken a mate, after all these long years he has finally taken a mate," Jaken commented

Inuyasha came back "Yeah I heard fluff likes girls," the grinning wiseass remarked

"Foolish boy he always has he simply hadn't found the right one until now," Jaken told him

Sango told Inuyasha about the cherry panties "Inuyasha you were priceless," Miroku added

"The whole time I thought the perverted bastard was a cloth pantie freak the fucker really had me going. Well I still think he is a freak, but edible panties interesting," Inuyasha said

Story 5

**Modern Vamps**

Being the modern vampire he was Sesshoumaru was still much as he was in the feudal era perfectly organized immaculately clean and everything in order he vacuumed his coffin with a dust buster, and sprayed it with his favorite scent sandalwood, he absolutely abhorred uncleanliness clutter and disorganization. Every day it was his ritual to make sure everything was exactly the way he liked it especially his padded oak wood coffin lined with beautiful soft thick red velvet with a matching pillow, yup you know it he was one of those high class vampires business world the whole nine yards

Well pleased with the results of his cleaning Sesshoumaru decided to rest relax sit back and read a book, so he went and sat in his favorite suede covered chocolate brown high back recliner chair, pulled the lever making the foot rest pop up stretched out and began reading. As bed time approached Sesshoumaru was tired and ready for a nice long relaxing sleep in his luxurious coffin. Sango, Kagome and the other vampires were already bedded down

"Hanyou? A voice called

"Hope you like your gift big bro," Inuyasha aka Pestyasha said

"Inuyasha you filthy lower then vermin mangy mutt," Sesshoumaru snapped

"What did you do? And why must the rest of us be kept awake? Miroku demanded to know

"Nothing," Inuyasha lied

"Inuyasha go undo whatever it is you did or you'll be this evenings meal," Sango informed him he gulped "Remember we outnumber you and can take you easy,"

"I just left the big sissy a gift top quality merchandise nothing cheap and I even put a nice silk blue bow on it and everything,"

"Inuyasha? Kagome called

"Yes wenchykins? He teased she smiled sweetly with angelic eyes

"Uh oh she's smiling," Miroku exclaimed

"Creepy, hah? One dead vamp soon to be served up sliced and hot" Sango joked

"It's late I'm tired," she said angelically then "If you do not tell us what you did I am going to rip your fucking pretty face and ass off, put your face where your ass used to be and your ass will replace your face, and everyone can call you bubble butt head," she yelled

"Whoa she is swearing' Sango said

"And she never does that," Miroku added

"Eek okay my favorite wench I'll tell you no need for violence, I put a nice," Inuyasha started

"Garlic, the rabid rodent thought it humorous to and put garlic in my coffin," Sesshoumaru told them holding up three big bunches of garlic tied together like a bouquet of flowers with a blue bow "What next a silver cross?

"Well I didn't use the cheap stuff the bow is pure silk only the best for you big bro" so what are you bitching about? Inuyasha had the nerve to ask

"Gee thanks,"

"Eeeee" Inuyasha shrieked when suddenly his fangs clamped hard down onto a mouth full of garlic cloves with Sesshys help

"Bon appetite Taisho San," Sesshoumaru said and slapped him on the back making him swallow good sized piece and grinned when he coughed

"You can sleep in here with me," Kagome offered Sesshoumaru grinned

"Thanks little brother you just handed the miko to me, actually me to her but who cares I like my new coffin mate," he teased

"Cough bas cough tard," he choked

"Wuss man up," Sesshoumaru replied "It's good for and cleans the blood,"

Later on exhausted Inuyasha went to his coffin to retire half asleep and not paying attention he raised the lid and climbed in "Hello lover, what kept you?" Jakotsu greeted

"Eew, fluffy you bastard,"

"When's the wedding? Sesshoumaru needled

"Ain't gonna be no wedding but there's damned sure going to be a funeral in here in under a minute," the furious hanyou snapped

"Suicide such a dishonorable thing to do and the act of a true coward," Sesshoumaru shot back

"Not me moron you,"

"Still living in a child's world? Sesshoumaru badgered

"No ass wad I'm living in an insane asylum and you're the head nut in charge,"

"Ooo did someone overdose on bitch pills this morning?" Sesshoumaru was on a roll and was not about to stop now

"No but I can clearly see that you triple overdosed on bastard pills an enema should cure that up quick fast and in a hurry,"

"Are you speaking from experience dear brother?" Sesshoumaru shot back "You need not have shared that information it is after all a very private thing,"

"Ah shut up and go smoke your pipe,"

Kagome had really changed since becoming a vampire in many ways some shocking. They were all vampires thanks to a curse placed on them by dying in battle Naraku "I'll smoke your pipe Sesshy," Inuyasha gasped 'No peeking Yashy,"

"What the fuc? Inuyasha started "Wench haven't you heard this is a no smoking zone? TMI to much information damn that's nasty woman," than added "If fluffy gives you head better pray fanged head is a bitch ouch," he razzed

"A naughty miko even after all this time I would never have expected it," Sesshoumaru commented

"Boys what can I say the new Kagome doesn't screw around," she said

"The new Kagome needs to be tranquilized gagged and locked in a cage," Inuyasha commented

"Now you leave our Kagsy alone I love her just the way she is," Jakotsu playfully scolded

"Oh yeah I almost forgot about you out of my coffin before I get tetsuseiga out of the closet and proceed to make sushi out of you," Inuyasha threatened

"Hey folks I have an idea it's late we're not going to get any sleep anyway thanks to lord bark and prank, so what do you say we have nice hot fresh hanyou steaks?" Sango said licking her lips

"Yes I always become ravenous when kept up late, uncontrollably ravenous," Miroku added then licked his lips

"Bastard, I know something you can eat" why don't you go do that? Inuyasha needled

"Is that the type of service your restaurant specializes in now a days? Sesshoumaru asked with false indignation

"Shut up and go iron your log it's bent like your warped brain," Inuyasha shot back

"Nothing doing," Kagome said

"What's it to you? Stay out of this wench," Inuyasha replied

"I'm the only one who'll be ironing that log,"

"Beep, beep, beep," Sango whispered to Miroku

"Woman why are you beeping, are you a metal detector now,"

"No that's my pervert detector," Sango answered

"Well it is not for me I have been a good little vamp monk all day,"

"No not you Kagome she has out done you never thought I'd see that," Sango told him

"Sniff it's times like this a father smiles and weeps with pride," fake crying Miroku teased

"Aw what a nice papa you are,"

"Jeez Kagome give it a rest will ya, my perv o meter is already on overload?" Inuyasha said

"Are you a man or an infant?

"I should think that would be obvious," Inuyasha retorted "What about you?

"An occupied miko," Sesshoumaru answered for her, his coffin had completely aired out by the time the sniping wound down

"Occupied? The curious hanyou questioned

"You heard me Junior," Sesshoumaru replied, in a streak he and Kagome disappeared next all that was heard was the closing of the lid of Sesshoumaru's room for two oversized coffin in his room

"Hah? stunned silent Inuyasha exclaimed

"If this coffins rocking don't come a knocking," grinning Miroku teased

"Sesshys knocking boots," Jakotsu joked

"Looks like you have a new vamp in law," Sango said

"Great I garlic the prick and the bastard gets laid," Inuyasha said "Maybe I should'a garliced myself instead,"

"Go ahead garlic flavored inu vamp sounds good to me," Sango teased

"I'll take mine raw," Jakotsu teased

"I am surrounded and outnumbered by lunatics," Inuyasha exclaimed

"We love you Inu baby," they replied in unison


	2. Chapter 2 Barbecue Battle

**Disclaimer I don't own Inuyasha Rumiko Takahashi, and VIZ Media do**

1its 's wolf versus dog in an epic war over and in an attempt to lay first claim to a canine prize. 2 Sugimi looked forward to Monday it was the day his favorite thing occurred a heist. 3 Pups Inuyasha, and Sesshoumaru have a secret they're hiding from their father. 4 Someone talking in their sleep during dreams makes Inuyasha take action. 5 Kagome finds a sweet little puppy aka Kagome's little bundle of joy and possibly Inuyasha's worst nightmare**. **Complete one shots**, Sessh/Kag**

**Sesshoumaru's Twisted Tales 2**

**By Raven2010, Aug 25 2012**

Story 1

**All's fair in love and war**

Father and son inus Sugimi, and Sesshoumaru were immensely enjoying the intense competition and war over a much sought after canine treasure. They leisurely sat backs against the wall fingers laced with their hands behind their heads relaxing

"Father what is your opinion on this? Sesshoumaru asked

"Well son I really find it quite amusing and very entertaining," Sugimi answered

"Yes I must agree,"

"If only I had known this was coming I'd have prepared snacks ahead of time," Sugimi joked

"Like this? grinning Sesshoumaru who had used his demonic speed said as he handed his sire a family sized bag of potato chips and set two bottles of soda down

"Show off," the two inus enjoyed their snacks and continued watching

"I'll make wolf steaks outta ya," Inuyasha said

"To bad mutt their mine now," Kouga replied and he smirked as he bit down on a mouth full of beef jerky strips

"Hehehe" the evilly smiling hanyou laughed

"Hmmm" in snack heaven still chewing beef jerky Kouga moaned

"Hope you're enjoying them wolfy cakes,"

"Uh oh," Sugimi exclaimed

"Ha? Kouga mumbled

"Cause I wiped my balls with them and my pits to and I don't use deodorant," Inuyasha lied smiling evilly

"Arm pits balls son we are bearing witness to greatness and a chart topper," Sugimi exclaimed

"Disgusting but hilarious," Sesshoumaru commented

'Got ya by the short hairs now' Inuyasha thought

Kouga's face screwed up in a mix of repulsion pure disgust and shock and his beautiful blue eyes were wide with horror. In that moment Sugimi truly pitied him but Inuyasha did inherit his depraved sense of humor from him so it was a true case of like father like son. Sugimi, and Sesshoumaru could not wait to see what was coming next

"He truly is your son and this is proof," Sesshoumaru exclaimed

"Was there ever any doubt? Grinning Sugimi asked

"Yum I taste good hah?" Inuyasha tormented his rival

The gagging wolf now bent over the kitchen sink swiftly spit out the jerky and proceeded to repeatedly wash his mouth out with soap and water. Standing by watching his masterpiece at work the busting at the seams hanyou nearly peed his pants when he burst out laughing at his unfortunate victim. Meanwhile Kagome had let herself Miroku, and Sango in with the key that inu papa as she called Sugimi had given her the three looked the hanyou and wolf over wondering what was going on

"Oh no their at it again," Kagome exclaimed

"Yes, have you ever known a time when they weren't?" Sesshoumaru said

"Only when they're sleeping," Miroku, and Sango exclaimed

"Exactly" Sesshoumaru replied

"And even then I have my suspicions and believe that they have found a way to attack one another in the dream world as well," Sugimi added

"What started it this time? Kagome asked

"Beef jerky strips," Sugimi answered

"You're kidding me," Sugimi told her everything

"Mutt I'm going to kill you," murderously glaring Kouga snapped after washing his mouth out for the millionth time "Black dragon blade' he thought

'Tetsuseiga' as if sharing the same idea Inuyasha thought

The two canines took off headed for their swords the combatants returned each with sword in hand ready for battle with swords drawn on each other the two ready for battle. In less than a second Sugimi had each one by one ear forcing the two canines down into a bent over position both ground their teeth and growled lowly Sugimi smirked

"Ow, ow, ow," they simultaneously yelped when he tugged a bit

"You two are not going to use two powerful extremely dangerous demon swords to settle your petty squabbles in my house destroying it and reducing it to rubble in the process. There is a large empty lot far from here go there if you wish to continue," Sugimi scolded

"Ha, ha papa verbally bitch slapped your asses," Kagome teased

"Ouch my little bottom stings," Miroku added

"I'll be good," Kouga said when an evil thought crossed his mind

"And you? Sugimi asked

"Yeah me to," Inuyasha answered

"I'm not hearing any sincerity," Sugimi said

"I'll be good," Kouga, and Inuyasha replied at the same time

"Syonara dog breath," Kouga exclaimed the second Sugimi released him "Yo dog boy," he taunted giving a one fang over his bottom lip wolfish grin

"What stupid wolf? Annoyed Inuyasha replied

Kouga said nothing and in a flash second had Kagome in his big strong arms kissing her senseless, at that exact moment Sugimi let go of Inuyasha's ear Inuyasha looked at the pair "You son of a bitc," Inuyasha started

"Now Inuyasha this is a child friendly zone no swearing," Miroku playfully teased

"After I kill this stinking wolf I'll get to you,"

"Yee ha my sweet Kagome," Kouga needled after removing his lips from Kagome's then licking them

"Keep your dirty lips off of her," Inuyasha demanded "The fuck," he yelled when Sugimi latched onto the back of the waist of his pants halting him as he tried to lunge for Kouga "Bastard,"

"Yo mutt watch and learn," Kouga taunted and Kissed Kagome again

"The wolf is a fine instructor," Sesshoumaru added

"Figures one pansy always sides with the other," Inuyasha griped "So lord Flyffymaru whens the wedding? And who's going to be the bride?

"Right after your and Jakotsu's wedding," Sesshoumaru shot back

"Go Kouga, go Kouga," Miroku, and Sango cheered while Kouga continued kissing Kagome

"Wolf," Inuyasha snapped when Sugimi released him then Sugimi sat down next to Sesshoumaru again

"Mutt" Kouga replied with a cocky gloating tone

"So one hidden reason for their battling and fierce competing is for the miko and partly over snacks to," Sesshoumaru commented

"Yes so it seems," Sugimi replied and they continued to watch the dog wolf war

"I kissed Kagome, I kissed Kagome," Kouga taunted "And it was sooo good," he needled

"Yeah well enjoy the memory because you'll soon be eating dirt," Inuyasha said

One week later

A week had passed Sugimi was having a big barbecue he bought the best largest and juiciest steaks there were. Mouths watering the canine youkais were wantingly sizing them up with dreamy looks in their eyes. Sango and other guests brought meat and extra goodies to Sango, and Kagome wordlessly agreed that this was going to be a special and fun day

"You wouldn't? Sugimi questioned

"Are you sure about that? Kagome replied

"You evil little vixen," he teased

"Why Inu papa you flatter me so,"

"Where did you get it?

"A friend of a friend,"

He grinned "Shikimaru,"

"And free of charge to all he wants in return is for me to film it for him,"

"Sadistic neko he hasn't changed a bit in over nine hundred years," he replied

Kagome put her prize on the table her new cohort in crime Sugimi smiled. Miroku, and Sango talked and agreed with what Kagome was going to do and the barbecue guests snacked on goodies while the food cooked

"Kagome darling?" Jakotsu teasingly called

"Jaky" she said heading to him with open arms they ran toward each other and hugged

Inuyasha, and Kouga glared competitively and murderously at each other. But when their eyes fell upon Kagome's gift smirks immediately formed on their lips and their friends had all they could do to keep from laughing. The two canines eyed their target each other than turned their attention back to the object of their affections each plotting and looking

"Forget it you mangy wolf you aren't man enough," Inuyasha said

"You talk about yourself too much," Kouga replied

"Ah go look in the mirror and love yourself,"

"All talk and no action makes mutt face a dumb dull boy," smirking Kouga needled

Inuyasha's eyes were glued on the wolf then his prize "Nooooo," the distraught hanyou cried out

"Here we go kiddyz," Sugimi teased his pals

"Ooo it's going to be a canine pile up," Jakotsu joked "I volunteer to be the traffic cop and referee,"

Kouga dove getting to it first snatched it off of the table tauntingly held it up and ran his tongue up and down the length of it marking the five pound grade A piece of prime beef as his "No my baby," Inuyasha whined "That's kidnapping,"

"Sweet" smiling Kagome exclaimed

"Whoa and the wolf makes an amazing three second touchdown," Miroku said making like a sports announcer "The speedy wolf gets the prize stay tuned folks and see what happens next,"

"Mine, mine, mine it was mine and you put dirty lips and diseased mouth on it," Inuyasha griped

"You mean like this?" Kouga taunted licking it again and to add dramatic affect he peppered it with kisses

"Eeeeew disgusting" are ya gonna eat it or make love to it?

"Both and maybe marry it to," Kouga replied with a smug victorious grin

"I believe that is called beastiality,"

"Correction mutt more like beast reality this beast got the meat and that's reality," Kouga needled and started devouring it

"Murderer she was mine," Inuyasha whined

"Was that worth it or what? Kagome who was still filming it asked

"Miko you look like a sweet defenseless angel but you're a devil in disguise," Sesshoumaru told her

"Why thank you my favorite inu," she whispered something in his ear and handed Sugimi the camera then she and Sesshoumaru swiftly disappeared

After morning the loss of his steak and a few strings of curse words Inuyasha came to his senses and back down to earth his beautiful golden eyes searched the yard not seeing what he was looking for he walked over to his father and friends

"Hey where's my wench? The hanyou asked

"I have no idea," Sugimi replied

"Don't know," The others answered at the same time

Inuyasha searched the grounds no Kagome, then went back into the house and searched it. Catching her scent faintly he followed his nose which led him upstairs he stealthily snuck up and opened the door of Sesshoumaru's room he could not believe what he saw and was shocked by it

Oh my eyes somebody pluck em out and burn them my virgin eyes I'm scarred for life. I need a gallon of bleach and a steel brush to scrub my soiled brain." He shrieked

"It seems he's finally found them," smirking Sugimi said

"Took him long enough I thought we were going to be waiting a year before he did," Sango added everyone laughed

"Ah mutts getting slow in his old age," Kouga joked "Thought we'd have to make a sign with an arrow,"

"Wimp got free sex ed class cheapskate ought to tip the professor," Bankotsu added

Inuyasha came running down the stairs like his pants were on fire and the devil was hot on his tale "Hey dog breath what happened did ya look in the mirror for the first time and saw the real you and could not believe the horror, bet it was scary hah?" Kouga needled the running hanyou

"Bleach, lye, ammonia, oven cleaner I need them all must clean brain," Inuyasha shrieked

"Yup it was scary," Kouga teased

**About 3 hours after the incident**

"Pluck them out your virgin eyes you need bleach steel brush soiled brain," Sesshoumaru repeated what he had said "I know of something better,"

"Like what get bent fluffy?" Inuyasha replied

'Hm" was Sesshoumaru's response

In the blink of an eye the brothers disappeared Sesshoumaru came back a few seconds later "Sesshoumaru where is your brother?" Sugimi asked

"Taking a spin,"

"Taking a spin? Sugimi questioned

"Yes he took his new car out for a spin," Sesshoumaru answered

"Oh boy," Sugimi listened

"Weeeee," he heard

"What have you done? He asked Sesshoumaru

"Nothing dear,"

"Now this I have got to see," Kouga exclaimed he followed the direction Sesshoumaru had come from

"Weeeee,"

"What the hell? The wolf exclaimed when his eyes took in the sight "I cannot believe this,"

"Yes and this I must see," Sugimi said

"As you wish sire," lounging in his favorite chair Sesshoumaru exclaimed

In the laundry room Inuyasha was in the washing machine on the gentle cycle "He's drunk the mutts drunk," Kouga commented

"Sniff ah hah eldest pup has put youngest in the washing machine with a sickening sweet perfume resulting in youngest pup getting drunk from the fumes,"

"Yes it is called Hanyou repellent my own special blend I was saving it for a special occasion," Smirking Sesshoumaru told his father

"Hanyou repellent? Jakotsu asked

"Yes inus are very sensitive to smell and sickening sweet perfumes tend to make us drunk," Sugimi explained

Sugimi emptied the washing machine opened the door took hold of the back of the collar of Inuyasha's shirt held him up and looked him in the eyes "Hey p, po pop," he stammered

"Pup" Sugimi replied

"Yashy want to ride more vroom, vroom,"

"Your drunk,"

"So? Inuyasha answered "What's it illegal? I am 19 in human years I think" he scratched his head with one claw "Ah puck it I'm legal,"

"No more vroom, vroom,"

"Wet blanket," Inuyasha exclaimed "Hey Inu smell good but to sweet,"

"Hm I have a drunken perfumed pup,"

"Hey pop I wanna tell you something lemme whisper in your ear okay?" Sugimi put his ear near Inuyasha's mouth "Okay listen shhh dis is a secwet I mean a secret hehehe," he slurred

"I'm listening,"

"Sessh had Kagome up in his woom I mean room I think they were doing it hehehe," Inuyasha said

"They are mates,"

"But pop he's 17 to young," Inuyasha exclaimed thinking he and Sesshoumaru were back when they were teenagers

"You have gone back four years he is twenty one,"

"Weally?

"Yes really," Sugimi answered

"Otay um okay" hey why am I wet?

"Your brother gave you a bath in the washing machine," Sugimi told him

"I kill him later I too drunk to do it now, shhh don't tell fluffy okay,"

"Deal, time for bed," Sugimi said then put Inuyasha over his shoulder

"Nighty night," Yash the others exclaimed in unison

"Night every on," he didn't finish "Snore"

"Sessh you are positively evil," said Kagome who was sitting on his lap

"I know," grinning Sesshoumaru replied, after putting Inuyasha to bed Sugimi came back Kagome nipped Sesshoumaru's ear "Now you've done it and I shall show you evil," he took off all that was seen was a ball of light

"Don't break the bed pup," Sugimi joked

Story 2

**Office wars**

**Office thievery, paybacks a bitch**

Though he was a high powered corporate CEO and son of Taisho Corp Sugimi Taisho Inuyasha never lost his playful or wiseacre side a side that may very likely get him killed swiping a certain person's favorite donut was risky dangerous and deadly not to mention a suicidal mission. This earned him the office nickname danger dog and this is why his father Sugimi looked forward to Monndays. Inuyasha watched as Mika the girl from the bakery arrived with the weekly Monday delivery of a box of donuts muffins and cupcakes. The sneaky hanyou rubbed his hands together and licked his lips in anticipation

"Dear gods Inuyasha again?" Miroku said

"Shut it,"

"But why? Miroku questioned

"Cause,"

"Cause what? Miroku asked

"Cause it tastes better,"

"Tastes better that makes no sense," Miroku said

"Yes it does it tastes better when I swipe it,"

"Inuyasha you have finally lost it,"

"No I did not but I'm about to gain it,"

Mika set the box down on the desk turned and left the office bidding her customers and friends farewell and headed for the front door. As Mika exited the building she grinned knowing Inuyasha was a dead dog and possibly on his way to the graveyard Sango had told her about the hanyous weekly capers. Miroku, Sango and the others waited, they were all chomping at the bit though not a TV series this was his favorite episode

"You willingly put yourself in danger" do you have a death wish? Miroku asked his devious friend

"No nimbus I have a donut wish," Inuyasha answered

"Little brother if you cause a war in my office and disrupt my employees I will skin you and give the pelt to Jakotsu to use as a blanket," came the cold voice of Sesshoumaru

"Stuff it fluffy," Inuyasha replied

"No I'll stuff you mount you on a plaque and put you on display,"

"As if ya giant needs to be removed wart," Inuyasha said then disappeared

"Maybe today I shall be granted my fondest wish and become an only child ah heaven," the smiling evilly taiyoukai exclaimed

Inuyasha smirked triumphantly and snuck off with his prize in hand and a dreamy look in his eyes went into his office and closed the door behind him, everyone waited with baited breath as the victim of the theft arrived and went into their office but nothing happened. It was to quiet and unnerving and highly unusual

"What not screaming cursing and promises of death?" Sango exclaimed

"I'm scared hold me," Kouga joked

"Ah yes the annual Monday Morning death match the sole reason why I look forward to Mondays," Sugimi who had just arrived said

"Not this time father nearly two minutes have passed and nothing has happened yet," looking at his watch Sesshoumaru told his father

"Damn" disappointed Sugimi exclaimed

"Inuyasha's inter calm buzzed "Yes?

"In five four three two one," Sango counted

"Sit boy," Kagome said crash

"Ah now that makes my day" Smiling Sugimi said "First time she's used the sit command for this,"

"Gods damn it Kagome that was a dirty trick rotten wench," indignant Inuyasha responded

"Not nearly as rotten as you stealing my powdered donut every week," she reminded "Oh and by the way,"

"By the way what?

"Sit" bam was her response

"Damn it wench are you trying to kill me?"

'Not yet but the day's still young besides I was just saying thank you, thank sit you,"

"Now that's the kind of girl I want as a daughter," proud Sugimi stated

"Love her new response to it sit," Kouga added "That's my girl"

"Nice way to say thank you," grinning Sango added

Buzz "Yeah what do you want? Indignant answering his inter calm Inuyasha bit

"Thank you pup sir," Sugimi needled

"Go yank your pipe if you still have one you mangy old goat," he shot back

"Why I had no idea you'd lost yours there are transplants you know," Sugimi jabbed receiving a growl

Two days after the incident

Two days passed by without any more feuding, Inuyasha eagerly waited for the Wednesday food delivery to come his mouth watering, Mika was bringing it she came in said hi to everyone and set the box down on the table Miroku opened the box Inuyasha licked his lips beef strips with rice and peppers grabbing a plate he piled his plate up. He walked over to his desk and sat down ready to eat with his chopsticks he grabbed a piece of the meat and was ready to eat all that was seem coming then going was a streak Inuyasha looked for his food

"Hey," he exclaimed "My peppers steak and rice and a side order of ramen," he griped then sniffed "Kagomeee,"

"How's it feel to have someone steal your food? She taunted from behind her locked office door

"Damn you wench I'm starving," he whined

"You're a strong young hanyou go hunting and catch something, if you cannot get a pig or deer and your desperate there's always cat and dog meat better start soon before you starve to death," she said to freak him out

"That is disgusting cat I don't eat nekos and dogs I am half dog ya evil wench,"

"Well try some slurp rats bon appetite," she replied between slurps of ramen "Gods this peppers beef and rice combo is amazing and ramen who thought ramen could be so good, oh that's right it tastes better when it's swiped ramen later sweetness,"

"Damn you," he griped everyone returned to their places

Buzz "Yes? Sesshoumaru answered his inter calm

"Sessh would you like to join me? Kagome asked

He headed to Kagome's office she opened the door let him then quickly closed and locked it then "Oh miko this is wonderful," Sesshoumaru exclaimed

"Isn't it the best?

"If only I had tried this long ago I'd have known oh what I've been missing," he replied

"What are you shitting me she swipes my food brings the giant fur ball into her office locks the door and they're, theye're doing it. I get food jacked and left to starve and he gets party time son of a b," Inuyasha started but stopped

"If this desk is a rockin don't come a knockin," Miroku razzed

"Wonder if they'll do it sitting," Jakotsu added

"Nah he's canine so more than likely the first hit will be doggy style," Kouga needled

"Held up against the wall on the floor desk chair sofa every position who cares as long as you're hitting it long hard and hot," Sugimi loved shocking and getting a big rise out of Inuyasha every chance he got

"What? Will you shut up? Your our father for cripes sake," Inuyasha

"Before I am your father I am a man a fur loving man purr,"

"Oh gods I'm going to be ill," Inuyasha complained

"Meow" Kouga added Inuyasha was about to insult him when Kagome's office door opened Sesshoumaru stepped out

"I get food jacked and you go surfing bastard," Inuyasha bit

"As I recall this is an office and there is no ocean here," Sesshoumaru answered

"You know what I mean ass hat,"

"I am dense explain," Sesshoumaru played dumb

"She food jacks me then invites you in for some office action, you said if only I had tried this long ago,"

"Fool does that sewer you call a brain have any normal functions?" Sesshoumaru said "The miko however did invite me to share some of her ramen with her and I must say it is quite good,"

"You helped her eat my damned ramen?

"Yeees," Sesshoumaru teased

Kagome heard this "Sesshoumaru sama? She called

"Yes?

"Got a sec? she asked that's when Inuyasha noticed her cleavage showing way more than usual and gasped the others snickered

"I have more than that,"

"I cannot believe this shit wench kidnaps my food now the horny wench wants some lovin," Inuyasha griped

"And I am the man for the job," Sesshoumaru needled then closed and locked Kagome's office door behind himself

"Ramen as an aphrodisiac who would have thought it?" Sugimi exclaimed, they became mates that day

Story 3

**Fleas**

Sugimi watched his pups they'd been behaving strangely as of late when asked what was going they said nothing was the matter so he made up his mind he'd lay back say and do nothing and wait if patient enough he'd find out eventually. The following day he watched his small pups one clamped on to the others back side fangs hanging on running in circles growling like dogs chasing their tales it was he had to admit it was a hilarious sight

"Bet min are stronger than yours," Inuyasha said then bit again

"Hah I am bigger so that means my fangs are the strongest," Sesshoumaru replied then returned to biting his brother again

"Yield" Inuyasha mumbled

"Never" Sesshoumaru replied neither ever relinquishing their hold on the other

Then it turned into a combination of a wrestling match and nip fest as the two proceeded to nip each other all over "They are worse than brawling cats," Sugimi whispered

The following day

"Oh"

"What is it? Sesshoumaru asked

"They moved down to my magic rod," Inuyasha replied

"Mind your claws little brother we males and do not want to lose our sacred staffs,"

"Man then I'd have to sit like a girl to make water," Inuyasha said

"Why will they not die?

"Ooo that's it to the left," Inuyasha exclaimed as Sesshoumaru kept scratching "I think they won't die because they love inu blood and it makes them stronger,"

"Uh oh," they exclaimed when they were simultaneously lifted off the ground

"So you boys fear a flea bath more than you fear continuing to suffer with the little blood sucking vermin?" Sugimi said while holding them up by the napes of their necks at eye level

"I don't have fleas we were just playing," Inuyasha fibbed

"We were practicing war maneuvers," Sesshoumaru added

"Male inus without fleas get the girls," Sugimi reasoned

"I don't like girls their yucky," Inuyasha protested

"And I have no interest in the female species," Sesshoumaru added

"That is what you say now but believe me that will change," Sugimi told them

"Eeew" Inuyasha, and Sesshoumaru exclaimed

'Hm not today I shall wait and see how long they can hold out before they surrender' Sugimi thought

Next day

Sugimi watched his pups playing their version of dog tag over the next couple of days it turned into something new chasing scratching each other Sesshoumaru biting Inuyasha's butt then biting each other and chewing on one another like bones. Sugimi was enjoying it to some degree because it was in its own way it was hilarious. Sugimi held back a laugh as he watched his two little pups laying on their sides Inuyasha in back of Sesshoumaru using all fours hands and feet to scratch his brothers itches, then they turned over and Sesshoumaru returned the favor they were busy that gave him time to prepare

"That's it oh yeah the sweet spot," Inuyasha said as Sesshoumaru reached and scratched the last of his severe itches

"Yes a little more to the right growl," Sesshoumaru exclaimed as Inuyasha scratched his back

"Hey Sessh I got one he's a fat one to," Inuyasha said holding the captured flea between his claws

"Well squish it hurry up,"

Squish "I squished him," Inuyasha announced

"Uh ohhhhh," both exclaimed when they were picked up and started flying away

"Hey Sessh we're flying,"

"What was your first clue? Sesshoumaru teased

"How are your fleas doing today boys? Sugimi asked

"Gulp"

"Not to worry my two little flea farms father is here to take care of you now,"

"We don't have fleas," Inuyasha protested

"Yes how many times must we tell you this?" Sesshoumaru said

"You know pups little boys who lie have one problem for each lie told their boy part shrinks a little each time,"

"Don't be ridiculous," Sesshoumaru exclaimed

"My boy part will shrink? Nervous Inuyasha responded then bit his forearm

"Yes son even if your brother denies it, it is true," Sugimi replied

"Preposterous," Sesshoumaru said then adjusted his sleeve but Sugimi caught it when he dug a claw in a part of his arm

"We hav," Inuyasha started and clamped a hand over his mouth

"Damn it," squirming Sesshoumaru snapped

"Sessh? Inuyasha said

"Never mind he already knows," Sesshoumaru responded "Oh yes to the right," he exclaimed as Inuyasha began scratching his back

"Right there harder," Inuyasha exclaimed when Sesshoumaru scratched his head "Whine, whine,"

"I thought so," Sugimi added

They landed and Inuyasha spotted the hot spring with strange things floating in the water as the steam rose up scents filled his senses "Sessh, Sessh he's gonna cook us look in the hot spring ," Inuyasha told his brother

"Who cares keep scratching," Sesshoumaru replied

"You dummy he seasoned the water and is going to cook us like pigs we gotta do something fast,"

"Little brother you have lost your mind ah keep scratching it is a well known fact inus do not cook or eat other inus," Sesshoumaru stated

"'Ahhh," both shrieked when they were dropped into the water clothes and all

A few seconds passed then "Hey no more itchies," Inuyasha exclaimed

"Oh this is wonderful," Sesshoumaru praised

"Yes my two little dinners this is a special blend of herbs that kills fleas," Sugimi announced

"See he said dinners told ya," Inuyasha said "Hey what are those things floating on the water?

"Demon fleas congratulations boys on your first experience with demon flea infestation" Aren't they wonderful? Sugimi teased

"What are you nuts? Both pups asked

"No just a father enjoying a little fun," Sugimi answered

Story 4

**Dreams will tell**

Inuyasha woke up to go to the bathroom and the sound of something caught his attention so he stopped and listened waited and heard something coming from Kagome's room human ears could not hear it but thanks to his sensitive canine hearing he could

"Yes Sesshoumaru yes,"

'Well I'll be damned bastards getting some' he thought

"Don't stop," Kagome said

"Hehehe horny wench," he laughed

"Gods Sessh," she moaned

"Sniff, sniff huh I smell miss hot pants but no Sesshoumaru," he said to himself "Wench is having a wet one,"

"So good," she exclaimed

"So good she says," the grinning hanyou whispered

He went to the hall closet opened the door got grabbed one of the extra pillows and closed the door. With pillow in hand he snuck over to and quietly opened her door slowly and smirked "It's a dirty job but somebody's got to do it,"

At warp speed he tossed the pillow hitting Kagome with it closed the door and ran "Haha? What? Then a scent drifted to her nose "Ratyasha tour dead," she bit when she smelled his cologne

"Ah scores wench zero dog one sweet," Inuyasha said

Over the following days each night this went on Inuyasha decided to take action he stealthily left his room headed down the hall opened Sesshoumaru's door and slipped in "Oh fluffy my little muffin of love wakey, wakey,"

"Growl" was Sesshoumaru's response "Little brother you are a mere second from death,"

"Yeah whatever it's Kagome,"

"What is it? And you better have a valid reason" Sesshoumaru told him

"Shut your beak big bird and listen,"

"I've got a bird for you," Sesshoumaru scowled even in the dark with his demonic vision he could see Sesshoumaru giving him the finger

"Using your finger thought that was for girls" what did palming it go out of style?

"I shall palm your head into the wall," Sesshoumaru threatened

"Just shut up and listen," Inuyasha started

"Moan"

"Is the miko ill or in pain?

"Just get your ass up and let's go," Inuyasha answered. He reached over grabbed Sesshoumaru dragging him from his warm bed

"Will you stop pulling me? I am perfectly able to walk"

"Move it old dog," Inuyasha needled pulling Sesshoumaru along

"Ohhh" she exclaimed

"What ails her? Still groggy Sesshoumaru asked

When they reached Kagome's room Inuyasha opened the door Sesshoumaru was about to protest Inuyasha gave him one good push nearly sending him flying into her bed "Get in there and do your job," Inuyasha told him

"Yes Sesshoumaru yes," she moaned seeing the look on his brothers face Inuyasha smirked

"Leave," was all that Sesshoumaru said when the scent of her arousal hit his nose

"Sure I'll put up a do not disturb sign my job is done," and left closing the door behind him

"What the hell? Kagome nearly yelled when being woke up "Inuyasha this time you're going to die,"

"Ah hah" Sesshoumaru responded

Kagome reached up to grab Inuyasha's ears but found only hair and mentally gulped, she was slightly nervous and continued her journey sliding her hands down the sides of his head she came to a stop when she felt ears feeling them she felt elfen pointed ears and faintly gasped

"Sessh," she started

"Meow"

"Meow of all the things he could say when being caught he meows," Inuyasha mumbled while open palm smacking his foreheah

"Sessh what the? She began but was cut off by warm soft lips on hers "Mmm" she moaned he moved down to her neck "Yes Sesshoumaru,"

Dog in the yard hiding a bone," Inuyasha joked when after a few seconds he heard heated activities begin "Ah my work is done now I can finally get some sleep around here,"

The following morning

As everyone gathered for breakfast Inuyasha wore the most sinful grin anyone had ever seen Sesshoumaru knew that particular look and it always meant trouble "Good morning sweetness," Inuyasha greeted "have an interesting night last night?

Sango nearly choked on the milk in her mouth Miroku looked on with thw most perverted grin in history "What's that supposed to mean? Kagome asked

"You know," Inuyasha said and winked "Since you forgot let me help you," he pushed a button

"Yes Sesshoumaru yes," he'd recorded what she said during a dream 3 nights before

"Inuroachyasha" Kagome bit

"Yes my love?

"This time I'm going to rip your lips off," Kagome promised

"Let's hope you have the energy after playing ride the dog all night long,"

"Let's see you talk shit after I peel your pelt from your body," Kagome replied

"He'd make an excellent door mat rug, Sesshoumaru jabbed

"Yes especially in front of the toilet you know for those rare times when we males miss and lose a couple of drops," Miroku added

"A furry door mat to wipe your feet on," Sango teased

"What the fuck do I look like gods damned toilet paper to you? Stupid monk I rip it off that'll cure your problem quick fast and in a hurry my claws work like razors so we won't need a scalpel" are you ready sir wussalot?" Inuyasha promised

"Sorry doc I don't have monks medical insurance so that's out," Mitoku replied

"I'll do it for free hust drop your diaper and hold real still don't want to nick an artery or anything," he needled flexing his claws to stress the point

"Amateur," Sesshoumaru needled

"Don't worry you toilet brush I'll get to and kill you later. Now monk where were we? Oh yeah free surgical alteration"

"See ya," Miroku replied and tossed a homemade smoke bomb and disappeared

"Not to worry you wench in monks robes you cannot hide forever and I'll be here," the sadistically smirking hanyou said

Next morning

Sesshoumaru woke up got up looked at his mate and grinned lecherous thoughts crossed his mind and he thought he'd save those for later, he used their private bathroom and after a quick shower went back into the bedroom. He had it planned he was going to go down to the kitchen make Kagome breakfast and her favorite thing hot cocoa and surprise her with breakfast in bed then get a little after breakfast action that thought made him smirk. He walked over to their room door stepped into the hallway and when he closed the door behind him he saw it couldn't be real he thought but then knew it was

"Little brother? He called "Little brother? Silence

"Sesshoumaru what is going on? Sugimi asked. He stepped aside allowing his father to see it

"Gulp oh my,"

"Exactly" Sesshoumaru said "Little brother? He called again

"Puppy is hiding," Sugimi exclaimed

"Hehehe," Sesshoumaru laughed diabolically "Ramen" thump trip squeak the door opened

"Ramen? Inuyasha asked nearly drooling

"Hey what's going on out here? Sango one of the guests staying for the week asked after opening her door

"Hello dear brother," Sesshoumaru greeted as he grabbed him by the collar of his shirt

Miroku opened his door "What happened? Sesshoumaru pointed to his door

_**Dog at work do not disturb dog in horny dog mode under penalty of death**_, written in large bold letters and under the caption was a picture of a male dog mounting a female and mating her

"Inuyasha" they exclaimed

"What have you to say for yourself? Sesshoumaru asked Inuyasha

"Well you are a dog at work and horny and if anyone interrupts you'll kill them," Inuyasha replied

"Since this is already known why the sign?

"Cause I felt like it," Inuyasha answered "Who's a rug now?

Sesshoumaru's room door opened "Yawn" he turned his head "What's going on out here? Kagome asked he pointed to the sign she put a hand on his shoulder "Let's go make good on what it says,"

Sesshoumaru dropped Inuyasha on his butt next all that was heard is the lock clicking on his door "What no ramen?" Inuyasha wisecracked "Horny flea bag,"

Story 5

**Kagome's little bundle of joy**

Kagome was walking in the woods and stopped dead in her tracks when she heard a whimper, standing still she waited trying to find the direction it was coming from then she heard it again and followed it

"Where are you?

"Whine"

"I'm coming keep making noise so I can find you quicker,"

"Whine," it continued and she quickly found the source of the whimpers a beautiful golden eyed silver white puppy with ears like Inuyasha's

"Well aren't you the most adorable thing I've ever seen," Kagome said

"Woof" she picked him up and he licked her cheek

"Aw thank you I love you to," she cooed she looked "Ah hah you're a boy we have to give you a nice name,"

"Woof, pant, pant," he licked her cheek in agreement

"Gee you could spoil a girl you know that," she looked him over "Hm let's see, Prince? Nothing "King? Silence "Sagume?

"Woof,"

"Bingo we have a winner," she exclaimed "Want some food? He barked "Okay let's go to the village and get you fed,"

"Meow," Kirrara greeted Kagome and her new friend Sagume barked

"Kagome where did you find him he's beautiful?" Sango said

"I heard whimpering followed it and now we have Sagume here, he let me name him,"

"He is a handsome fellow," Miroku praised

"Kagome can I pat him? Shippou asked

"Sure" Shippou approached him and Sagume let the little fox pat him

"We're keeping him I hope" Please tell me he doesn't belong to somebody already?

"No Shippou he's ours," Kagome answered "Right?" the dog yipped in agreement

"Oh goody now I can polish my sword," just returning Inuyasha said

"So do it" what's stopping you? Kagome said

"Well wench you need a sword polisher to do that but up until now I didn't have one,"

"Where is it? She asked

"The fur ball he's perfect," Inuyasha ragged

"You leave Sagume alone,"

"Sagume you gave him a humans name?" he scoffed

"Well your half dog and they named you,"

"Ya well I am inu youkai not a mortal dog so that makes me superior" doesn't it? Inuyasha gloated with a smug look

"Nah" Sango, Kagome, Miroku, and Shippou exclaimed

"Growl" the puppy was indignant

"See he agrees" Inuyasha jabbed. Faster than the blink of an eye there stood Sagume one hind leg cocked peeing on Inuyasha's foot "Hey you mutt get off,"

"Hehehe" a puppy laugh is all he got

"Alright you little fur ball now it's war," Inuyasha declared,

Sagume huffed as if to say hah then lifted his tail all the way up lowered the front of his body and moved his little rear from side to side as if saying kiss my ass "You know he cannot talk but if I did not know any better I'd say he was telling you to kiss his backside" Miroku commented

"Aw he's just saying hello," Sango teased

"Let him say hello on your foot then," Inuyasha griped

"He was marking his territory your Sagume's property now," Sango razzed "That's what you dogs do ya know,"

"Inu youkais don't do that shit," Inuyasha griped

"He's just jealous because the dog is prettier than he is," Shippou needled

"Shut your trap ya fox fur ball," Inuyasha shot back "Me jealous of a dog don't be ridiculous,"

"Jealous, jealous," Shippou got the last word in

**That night**

Inuyasha went to take a bath he stripped lay his clothes on a nearby rock got into the water and rested his back against the rocks of the hot spring bank after a little while he dozed off into a semi deep sleep. He was dreaming about food beef vegetables and ramen then topping it off with desert apple pie in Kagome's house in his sleep he licked his lips. The practically drooling hanyou was in heaven it was so real he could taste the food then he was yanked from his dream when a high pitched how sounded in his right ear causing him to leap out of the water

"Who? What? Why? How? He exclaimed "Hey I'm naked and wet," he shrieked "Oh wait a minute I was having a bath," then it dawned on him howl "You little bastard," he got ready to get dressed "My clothes where are they?"

Back at the village there laying near Kagome was a very happy innocent angelic looking puppy without a care in the world. Meanwhile a certain hanyou was steaming mad when he found something that severely wounded his male pride his clothes were gone but he hadn't noticed until just then that they'd been replaced by a woman's pink kimono it being his only option to cover his body

"Gods damn that little mutt pink a fucking women's pink kimono castrate me already" why don't you? He ranted "He left my sword surprised he didn't paint it pink,"

Inuyasha returned to the village "Hello sexy wow check out those gorgeous legs," Sango teased

"And that ass now that's a prime piece of man meat," Kagome added

"Wonder what's under that Kimono?" Sango teased "Inuyasha if you wanted to borrow my kimono all you had to do is ask,"

"Oh boy I finally have a big sister I always wanted one," Kagome razzed

"Will you? Miroku started

"Monk finish that sentence and so help me I'll slice off your little monk," Inuyasha snapped

"I was only going to ask if you'd turn around so we can get a better look you deviant," Miroku replied

"Yeah right and I am going to move in with Sesshoumaru and live in his castle happily ever after," Inuyasha said "And you hentai wenches call men wolves,"

"Can we come? Sango razzed

"That mutt took my clothes and replaced them with this friggin kimono," he griped

"Inuyasha how can you blame an innocent puppy? Kagome scolded

"He's no puppy he is the devil, the devil I tell you,"

"Inuyasha it's okay we do not mind if you dress like a girl I understand if you find women's clothing more comfortable then men's clothes," Miroku teased "We won't tell" will we?

"Nope" Sango, and Kagome agreed

"Have you ever seen me wear women's clothing? Have you ever heard me complain about men's clothing? No" Inuyasha reminded "Wenches you suck,"

"What do we suck Inuyasha? Sango asked to bust his balls

"Yes Inu cakes please tell us?" Kagome teased

'What? Are you? Oh forget it I have no comment you aren't getting me to fall into one of your wench traps," the red faced blushing hanyou went up into his tree

"He's fun," Sango exclaimed

"I know right?" Kagome agreed

**The following morning**

"Hey everybody left over's from last night," Sango announced

"Coming" Kagome said

There was one fat piece of meat on an equally fat bone being eyed first by one canine "Okay it's all yours," Sango exclaimed he looked all dreamy eyed "Hey Inuyasha you give that back,"

"Nothing doing,"

"Sagume had first dibs," she scolded

"Growl bark," the furious pup responded

"Biggest dog gets the biggest bone and piece of meat," Inuyasha sassed "You swiped my clothes now I have your bone and meat correction my bone and meat," knowing she would he took off before Kagome could sit him

Sagume's brain was already scheming and he was in revenge mode "What happened no Inuyasha he's usually first in line?" Kagome asked Sango told her what happened

"He is so dead," Kagome said

**Lunchtime **

Inuyasha sat practically drooling rice meat vegetables and something he loved more than his own life finally the food was ready to be served everybody had their shares. Last but not least Inuyasha got his love ramen he had his chopsticks ready to take some of the noodles all that was seen was a streak of white when Inuyasha looked Sagume was doing something horrible

"Nooooo" he shrieked as the pup buried his ramen in front of him than to add insult to injury Sagume took the nice big piece of meat from his plate and began eating it in front of him "You flea bad I'm going to kill you," he lunged

"Sit boy" crash

"Damn you Kagome," Inuyasha cursed

"Like all good mothers I take care of my baby,"

"Wench"

**Two days after**

Inuyasha was fuming then it dawned on him all dogs be they human or youkai shared one common enemy and that enemy would come in handy about now and help him exact some sweet revenge. While Sagume slept that night Inuyasha poured something on him then the sneaky hanyou went and took his sleeping place under a tree. Sagume was awoke by itching the pup glared then got up from his sleeping spot next to Kagome he walked over to his target in a flash he was under the front of Inuyasha's haori he rolled around a couple of times then got out Kirrara winked at her puppy buddy. Inuyasha woke up just as the pup climbed out of his haori Sagume bolted to Kagome the hanyous claws were everywhere at once trying to scratch

"Ohhh fuck," he cursed

"Inuyasha would you mind keeping it down?" Miroku said

"I'm itching to death over here and all you can do is bitch,"

"Some of us want to sleep you know," Sango added

"What the hell is going on? Kagome asked

"Fleas the little prick gave me fleas," Inuyasha replied

"And how did he get them?

"How the hell do I know maybe you should ask your lover boy how he got them," he bit

"He didn't have them this morning the middle of the night and he suddenly he has fleas," Kagome reasoned

"Oh damn this itch, why ask me ask him?" he said "I was sleeping he crawled under my haori now I have fleas,"

"Uh hah," Kagome responded

"Ah Kagome I think puppy ears gave Sagume fleas," Sango commented

"Yes and being the highly intelligent and clever dog he is he returned them to their supplier," Miroku stated

"Yup sounds about right to me I'd sit ya but I think the fleas are doing a good job on their own," Kagome said

"Bark" Sagume responded

"See I knew it," Kagome gloated "Come here baby," Kagome picked him up there were only a couple of fleas and they immediately fell dead on the ground

"Ah hah only demon fleas die from a mikos touch," Miroku said

"Inuyasha you dirty dog," Kagome scolded

"Oh who cares fleas itching hot spring," he replied then ran for the hot spring

"He really wasn't paying attention and missed the part where Miroku said a mikos touch kills demon fleas," Sango commented

"I know hehehe," the laughing miko replied "Sagume Mommy is so proud of you," she teased he licked her cheek still holding him they went back to bed

A while later she felt Sagume stir he slowly crawled out from under the top of the sleeping bag and for a flash second she could have sworn she saw a crescent moon on his little forehead and two magenta stripes on each side of his face and stifled a gasp that threatened to escape her lips. Then a thought struck she asked Sagume if he wanted to go for a walk he yipped once for yes when they were out of sight she picked him up put him against her chest holding him up at eye level

"Sesshoumaru I know it's you," Kagome said

In an instant Sesshoumaru stood before her with his arms wrapped around her "Really? He teased

"Sesshoumaru you little," she started but was silenced by him kissing her

A day and a half later

A day and a half had passed by before Sesshoumaru, and Kagome returned to the village as a mated pair when Inuyasha saw that is was as they say going to have a bird. The two entered the village holding hands and smiling Sango, and Miroku looked shocked then smiled. Sesshoumaru could hardly wait to see Inuyasha's face and reaction and had the perfect thing to start the ball rolling. Inuyasha caught sight of it and his mouth went agape and Sesshoumaru took his cue

"Move in with me and live in my castle happily ever after little brother," Sesshoumaru repeated the words he used the night he'd taken Inuyasha's clothes

"You that god's damned pain in the ass devil puppy from hell was you the whole time why I ought to kill you?" Inuyasha snapped

"The miko found me adorable and look what I have now," Sesshoumaru needled

"Wait mates,"

"You just now noticed," Miroku teased

"Hey look butt head I've been in puppy hell for days I'm lucky if I know where my left foot is," Inuyasha barked "And you posing as a puppy" is that the lame way you meet girls now?

"Don't knock it till you've tried it," Sesshoumaru replied

"Fluffy you make my brain bleed,"


	3. Chapter 3 Strange Discoveries

**Disclaimer I don't own Inuyasha Rumiko Takahashi, and VIZ Media do Rated R for language**

1 Kagome is doing sexy things to seduce Sesshoumaru with no reaction from him then without trying she finds out the weirdest thing is a big turn on for him. 2 Two strangers meet at a club and find out that they have the strangest thing in common. 3 The pitter patter of little feet lead Kouga, Miroku, and Inuyasha to the most shocking surprise of their lives. 4 Sesshoumaru finds he quite enjoys riling Kagome bringing surprising and shocking results. **A/N** sorry everyone edited and replaced chapter because the original had multiple errors added a bit more to, lol. **Sessh/Kag**

**Sesshoumaru's Twisted Tales 3**

**By Raven 2010, Oct 31 2012**

Story 1

**Seducing Sesshoumaru**

Kagome was in seduce Sesshoumaru mode and it was just about a full time job and this is how it all started, it was no secret that Kagome was crazy about Sesshoumaru Taisho hell she had sexy dreams about him every night. The scheming miko formed a plan she had lots of sexy things she'd do to tempt him. As Sesshoumaru sat drinking his iced tea Kagome took action deliberately letting an ice cube fall between her full breasts that gave her an excuse to pull the neck of her shirt down so she could fish it out at the same time giving him a close up view of her endowments along with her nipples which had hardened from the chill of the ice cube poking through her top. She slowly took it out and licked but sadly no response

"What the fuck is he a corpse? Shit she's not trying to seduce me but even I'm turned on" Inuyasha said "Yasha play hide the salami pant, pant,"

"Those luscious melons" how could he not want to bury his face between those? Miroku added

"You know I'm beginning to wonder if fluffy even likes women," Inuyasha stated

"If it were me she'd be in the nearest closet bathroom or any available room getting tagged bagged and claimed as my personal property they don't call me the big bad wolf for nothing," Kouga exclaimed

"Damn even I'm excited," Bankotsu spoke

"Catch it mark it and keep it all to yourself," Sugimi added

"Freaking A," the other males agreed

"Hell I'm not straight but even I'm half tempted to do her," Jakotsu added

"Switching teams Jak?" Inuyasha teased

"She could turn a gay man straight without even trying,"

"Well boys I think we have a new member to the lechers team," grinning Inuyasha said "Hey pop was Sessh castrated at birth or something?"

"No but I do not understand him he is a healthy fully functioning male," Sugimi answered

"Huh, there's got to be something that puts a fire under fluffys butt you know something that really singes his fur,"

"If only we knew what with that knowledge I could help the miko," Sugimi replied

"All we can do is watch and wait," Miroku exclaimed, for a human Kagome released an impressive growl

"Dudes I'll wager money on it that she purifies Sessh before two weeks have passed," Kouga said

"Shit I'll bet he's dog dust in a week," Inuyasha added

"Place your bets and I will be the treasurer," Sugimi offered, the bets were placed and Sugimi held the money with the total of the money collected a single winner would walk away with $1000

**Two days after**

Kagome was anything but short on will power she sat eating an ice cream sundae topped with a mound of whipped cream and a cherry on top she slowly ate it knowing Sesshoumaru was coming she stalled for time. Sesshoumaru sat down Kagome took a bite with the whipped cream that covered her lips which she seductively licked off then took the cherry holding it up by the stem tilted her head back and seductively licked it slowly and sexily slid it in and out of her mouth a few times then suggestively sucked on it. Inuyasha and the other males watched wide eyed

"If fluffy doesn't do his job soon fuck I think I might jump her myself," Inuyasha exclaimed

"Horny pup you're a true Taisho," proud Sugimi praised teasingly

"Thanks pop little Yasha thanks you to for the kind recognition,"

"Boys I think my cork is gonna pop all by itself," Miroku told them

"Yeah well put a rubber on it before you do cause the rest of us don't wanna get hosed down," Inuyasha teased

"Then that means you better hook yours up to a pipe line because it looks like you're ready to blow," Miroku shot back

"She's got the buffer and I've got the knob that needs polishing," Kouga added

"Banky needs to deposit his money role in the bank," Bankotsu teased

"Thought it was green from moss growing on it all these years," Inuyasha needled

"Time to play bow and arrow boys notch aim release hit the mark," Sugimi commented

"Dad you letch," smirking Inuyasha exclaimed

"I'm all dog,"

Sesshoumaru knew she was there but did not look instead keeping his eyes glued to the newspaper he held in his hands after a couple of minutes Kagome gave up in utter frustration mentally playing visions of the many ways to kill the dog slowly and painfully. All the observing males sighed in disbelief though seething Kagome pretended nothing was wrong casually she got up and left going off to find a private place to scheme her next move mumbling as she passed by

"Is he even a man? Does he have a penis? Does he freaking feel anything? She fumed

"Yo Kags what's up? Kagura asked as she and the other female members of the group came in

"Yeah ya look like a scaled cat," Ayame added

"Ladies she is in kill mode take cover and pray for your lives," Sango teased

"I'm gonna make a rug out of him oh forgot have to skin him first, hm wait until he takes dog form then do it yeah that'll work," Kagome said "Think Inu would let me borrow his tetsuseiga?

"Yo earth to Kagome, earth to Kagome anybody home?" waving her hand in front of her face teasing Kagura asked

"Ah yeah here damn it,"

"Borrow Inuyasha's sword? Her female companions said in unison

"What's wrong? Tell mommy" Sango joked Kagome told them "I have an idea,"

**With the guys**

"Ouch Inuyasha's sword plus pissed off Kaggy plus Sesshoumaru equals Sesshy sausages," Jakotsu exclaimed

"Oh shit scheming wench hen party big bros going down under other circumstances I'd pay to see this but fluff's family so it's free," Inuyasha said

"Fluff? Sugimi exclaimed

"Yeah pop you know that moko, moko thing he wears fury fluffy and soft and when he turns into a dog big fluffy fur ball,"

"I see your point strange but I see it," Sugimi replied

"Aw mutt loves his fluffy cuddly inu bear," Kouga razzed

"Wolf you're an inch away from death," Inuyasha threatened

"Pft keep dreaming dog breath,"

"Warring dogs in the kennel somebody get a hose," Sugimi teased

**Next day**

Spending the weekend at the Taisho house Sango gave Kagome the perfect idea one of the greatest weapons in a female artillery stash guaranteed to bring any red blooded male down and turning him into a panting horn dog. Kagome's room was next to Sesshoumaru's so it was perfect Kagome, and Sesshoumaru were always the first to get up early in the morning. Sesshoumaru opened his room door and stepped into the hallway and saw Kagome's door was open and her standing in front of the mirror wearing nothing but a see through red lace bra with matching panties, Kagome saw his reflection in the mirror and mentally gloated keeping a straight face she did not want to give herself away'

'His little man will be twitching saying please release me' she thought

Instead Sesshoumaru turned around walked toward the stairs and headed down to the kitchen for his morning coffee she gritted her teeth and thought of the many ways to kill him purifying his male parts off brought a smirk to her lips. Then an evil idea entered her mind once again bringing a smirk to her lips it was war and she'd pull out the big guns. After breakfast Sesshoumaru sat in his favorite lounge chair and she thought it a perfect opportunity she was wearing a sexy curve hugging short sky blue dress she walked by Sesshoumaru when she was in front of him dropped something on the floor and bent over to pick it up giving a view of her bare female treasure, she stalled as long as she could once again seeing no response she mentally screamed

'That's it he is hopeless does he even have functioning male parts? Maybe he doesn't like girls what a waste of perfect top shelf man meat' she griped in her mind she had one idea left

A certain seeing the last part of it stealthy sneaking hanyou open palm smacked his forehead in disbelief "Tragic isn't it?" a voice said

"Damn it pop don't sneak up on a guy like that when he's spying," Inuyasha whispered "Man he is friggin hopeless, maybe I should talk to him about the birds and bees shit he's got to be like an antique virgin,"

"Inuyasha my son true and colorfully put," Sugimi replied "I did that long ago even gave him pictures to,"

"I'm willing to donate one of my best porn DVD's to the cause you know put it in the disc player in his room accidently leaving it on play just before he goes in to go to bed for the night," Miroku volunteered

"I have a very nice magazine with nude girls in it, and before you judgmental studs pass judgment it was left behind by my last male roommate," Kagura told them

"Shit she just bent over with no panties on showing him all of her uncovered naughty bits and nothing I am beginning to think he is made of ice," Inuyasha replied

"I'm a wolf he's a dog both canines with her in that position he should be mounting her from behind playing hide the hotdog," Ayame said

"Maybe he can't you know," Jakotsu suggested

"Impotent? Kouga who was joining the group asked

"Yup" Jakotsu answered

"A dog with no bone," Bankotsu teased "But seriously something must turn him on but nobody knows what maybe something totally kinky like doing it on a motorcycle with the motor running,"

"Bank you freak you," Inuyasha teased

"Don't knock it till you've tried it,"

"Yup the vibration of the motor running under your butt while he plows the field," Kagura said

"Damn and you chicks call us freaks," Inuyasha replied

"Vroom, vroom," she teased

"On top of the washing machine during a wash cycle and when it hits the spin cycle oo la, la," Sango added

"Boom big time," grinning Ayame added

Sugimi grinned deviously "Ah kamis bless modern machines,"

**The following evening**

It took hours but Kagome finally managed to calm down and cool off she had something totally devious in mind it was guaranteed to work plus it'd set his blood to boil, they all had one thing in common a shower or bath before bed. After her shower Kagome dried off with then wrapped a large light green towel around herself sensing Sesshoumaru coming she opened her room door and waited until he was near and let the towel drop to the floor giving him full view of her curvy body. Though she knew he'd seen her he continued on to his room without any reaction the moping miko sat on the bed feeling that all hope was lost she'd finally given up

Sensing her sadness "Well the fluffy striped bastard fucked up again," Inuyasha said to Miroku, Kouga, Bankotsu, and Jakotsu who were hanging out in his room with him

Ayame scented it as well "Girls Sessh did it again,"

"Oh no," Sango, and Kagura exclaimed

"Shit and I thought the stark naked thing would succeed making his rocket point to Kagome and work where all else has failed," Sango said

"Hate to say it but is's a lost cause," Ayame stated

**Next morning**

"Hah what? Inuyasha gasped in shock

"Am, am I seeing correctly? Rubbing his eyes in disbelief and looking again Kouga said

"You've got to be kidding me," Kagura exclaimed

"Am I in the gods damned twilight zone," Bankotsu asked

"Say what? Ayame, and Sango said in unison

"Kagsy honey what the hell?" Jakotsu added

"Little one? Sugimi commented in askance

"Why not that dog is never going to yield so what's the point?" Kagome replied

"Wench wearing that outfit, what the hel?" Inuyasha started and was cut off

"Well I might as well become one your brother can't be bothered so I give up,"

Sesshoumaru was just coming toward the living room when Kagome came out dressed in a miko outfit Sesshoumaru's eyes were glazed over and a dreamy look covered his face. Before Kagome knew what hit her she was lifted off her feet put over Sesshoumaru's shoulder and taken away by the fleeing Taiyoukai. Inuyasha could not believe his eyes in fact before his brother left he rubbed them then looked to make sure it was real and did a mental check list in his head

"Of all the things he gets turned on by a miko outfit," Inuyasha exclaimed "And I thought the doing it on a motorcycle with the motor running was kinky he takes the cake the closet freak,"

"Wow I never knew or would have thought Sessh was such a freak," grinning Miroku commented

"If I did not see it I never would have believed it," Bankotsu said

"Of all the things in the world miko clothes light a fire in his furnace," Sugimi added "Must be that whole demon conquer the pure maiden thing,"

"Sango my love would you consider wearing? Miroku started

"Keep dreaming monk,"

"Awww, pretty please?" Miroku pled with a pout while down on one knee

"I might but it'll cost ya two grand," she teased

"Ha, ha sucker," Inuyasha razzed "Cough it up daddy war bucks,"

"Shut up Snow White" where are your seven dwarfs? "Miroku shot back

Story 2

**Out Clubbing With Kagome**

"Kill me already, why don't you?" Kagome said to her mother Hitomi

"I will do no such thing,"

"Oh sure keep the victim alive make them suffer and slowly kill them over a period of years," Kagome wisecracked

"Where are you going dressed like that?

"To the club might as well live it up before my impending death," Kagome replied

"Just make sure you make it home in one piece we have things to attend to,"

"I'll think about it," Kagome answered then was out the door before Hitomi could respond

**At the Jade Dragon Club **

"What'll it be Kags? Jiro the bartender asked

"Something that'll melt the fillings in your teeth,"

"That bad, eh?

"Jiro you don't know the half of it," Kagome answered

"Okay kid one Tokyo twister coming up,"

"Thanks Jiro,"

As he entered she was the first thing he noticed a hot little thing all dressed in silver white a short dress and matching shoes with those raven locks hanging down to her waist he made his way to her table scenting the air as he went lilac rose and sandalwood came from her he loved it. A grin formed on his lips as he approached his prey he sensed it

"I sense you are here to escape something" am I right? He asked

"Yup"

"You can tell me if you wish," he coaxed

"My impending prison sentence and time to be served a life sentence,"

"You are to be sent to prison, why?" he inquired

"Well not a physical prison,"

"Then what kind? He asked

"A sentence worse than death,"

"And that would be? He questioned

"An arranged marriage" can you believe it? Seriously we're not living in the dark ages"

"Cough" he nearly choked on his drink

"Are you okay?

"Yes I was shocked to hear it I too am in the same position,"

"You, a gorgeous hot sexy male specimen like you? Shit girls would pay even kill to have you" she told him

"Thanks, and men would do the same for you,"

"Thank you" she replied "Jiro another Tokyo twister for my friend here,"

"Right away Kags,"

"Tokyo twister? What is this? He asked

"Yup it's a special combo me and Jiro came up with I plot it and he mixes it then I try it out it's my pain killer/tranquilizer,"

"What is in it? He asked

"Oh about twenty different kinds of hard liquor mixed with fruit juice, as my friend Kouga so nicely puts it, it is guaranteed to really fuck you up,"

"I have nothing to lose," he said Jiro handed him the drink "Thank you,"

"I'll pray for ya bro," Jiro teased

"When's your day of execution," Kagome asked

"In two days" and yours?

"Same here" she replied "Hey I have an excellent idea,"

"Do tell I am all ears,"

"How about we hang out party and enjoy our last night as singles? Then we go our separate ways they'll never know" she suggested

"Sounds good to me,"

**Next day**

They did not yet know that they were tracked down to the hotel room they were staying in a knock sounded on the door "Oh great didn't I leave that do not disturb sign on the damned door knob? Kagome grouched "Wait a minute I did,"

"Yes you did as I carried you over the thresh hold," he said

"I knew it," she replied "Go away we don't want any,"

The two lovebirds lay back and Kagome pulled the bedspread over their heads intent on getting some more sleep and going for another round of hot loving before they left. The door flew open and two people stepped in though neither spoke they were strongly sensed by the hiding resting lovebirds dead silence hung heavy in the air. He pulled the top of the covers down revealing them to their party crashers

"You are to late we are mated," the grinning young male said

"And married," Kagome added proudly flashing her wedding ring at the pair standing before them

The two stood in silence then smiled like kids getting gifts on Christmas morning "That's wonderful," they exclaimed

"Hah, what," the mates responded

"Let me explain kiddies "Hitomi is Kagome's mother she and I had planned an arranged marriage between you two. You disappeared we thought you took off with other people or just up and left town or the country,"

"Yes he and I met in the park got to know each other and decided since neither of you were choosing anyone after all these years that we'd do it for you, we exchanged pictures and everything," Hitomi explained

"Allow me to introduce myself I am Sugimi Taisho Sesshoumaru's father," Sugimi said to Kagome

"Father in law? Kagome replied

"Yes my dear and we'd like grand pups," he stated

Sesshoumaru, and Kagome both gulped Sugimi gloatingly grinned and that is when an evil thought formed in Sesshoumaru's mind "So father when are you and Hitomi to be married?

"Hehehe" Kagome laughed "I would just love some little brothers and sisters,"

"Uh, I um," Sugimi, and Hitomi stammered

"Mate you call the monk and I shall make arrangements at the temple," Sesshoumaru said

"Deal" Kagome replied then reached for the hotel phone, Sesshoumaru his cell phone, next all that was seen were two streaks zooming out of the room

"Now where were we? Sesshoumaru teasingly asked then he and Kagome started another round of mating

Story 3

**Growing pains**

"Sniff, sniff,"

"What's with you? Kagome asked

"Sniff your pupped" how the hell did that happen? Inuyasha said

"Pupped? Miroku, and Sango exclaimed looking at one another with wide eyes

"Well genius if I knew that then I could tell you" now couldn't I? Kagome wisecracked

"Real funny wench" who's the father? It better not be that wimpy wolf" he griped

"You tell me you're the one with canine sense of smell," Kagome shot back

'Oh you're so funny not,"

"Maybe you're the daddy," she said

"I think I'd remember us doing that Ka-go-me," Inuyasha replied

"Not if you were drunk ya wouldn't," she needled

"Fine but I'll find out when he or she is born smart ass" what then?

**8 months later**

Screams of agony tore through the hut as another searing pain ripped throughout her body Kagome would have to say that this was the most agonizing thing she'd ever experienced it was times like this that she wished she was on drugs. Another labor pain hit with the force of a hammer she screamed the males cringed Kouga, Inuyasha, and Miroku had survived mortal injuries numerous battles and attacks but had never experienced anything like this before and secretly prayed they never would again

"Oh man thank god I'm not female knowing this there'd be no pups from me," Inuyasha exclaimed

"Same here," Kouga said

"I have the happy horrors," Miroku exclaimed

"Ahhhhh" Kagome shrieked

"Push Kagome ye need to push," Keade instructed

"I am, get that damn kid out of me," Kagome yelled

Crying was heard "It's out now I can get a look," Inuyasha said

"Ow, what the fuck is going on?" Kagome cursed

"Ye have a second one," Keade

"Second? Inuyasha exclaimed

'Seems the father was not shooting blanks," Miroku joked

"Really duh we're so dumb we didn't know that," Inuyasha wisecracked

"Gods damned men this is what happens when you let them touch you. Ahhh I'm gonna die," Kagome cursed

"Another boy," Keaded announced as new cries were heard

"Oh thank gods it's over," relieved Kagome exclaimed

"I fear not," Keade replied as she felt Kagome's belly then another cry of pain echoed

"Gods damn it what is this ouch an army?" the furious miko shrieked in pain "Men we should castrate them at birth they plant the seeds and the sons of bitches suffer no pain we get stuck doing all the dirty work," Kagome ranted "And to think an amazing night of out of this world humping led to this,"

Cries rang "A third boy," Assisting Sango said

"No more gods please no more," Kagome wailed

"Wow wench has her own army," Inuyasha whispered

"Wonder who the father is? Miroku asked

"We'll know in a minute," Inuyasha exclaimed

"Yep one sniff," Kouga started

"And one look will tell," Inuyasha added

"Think we can get a look without getting killed? Miroku asked

"Don't care I'm going in anyway," Inuyasha told them

"Wait Inuyasha I sense something," Miroku warned putting a hand on his shoulder

"What that your fundoshi is in a twist and reeks?" the smartass hanyou teased

"No gods damn it no son of a bitch," Kagome swore

"Holy shit another one damn wench was carrying a litter," Inuyasha mumbled

"And I feel this shall be the last one," Miroku stated

"A fourth boy," Sango exclaimed the baby released ihis first cry

"Ye are finished Kagome there are none left," Keade told her

"Thank you kami one more and I think I'd have slit my own throat,"

Inuyasha barged in "Can we see them?

Sango and Keade began showing them the four boys "Well boys what do you have to say? Sango asked with a smirk

"Gasp, hah, what?"

"Well say something you," Sango replied

"Miroku that's you," Inuyasha said pointing to one of the boys

"And that's you," Miroku told him pointing to another

"And th, that's me," Kouga stammered and landed flat on his ass

"Hm exact duplicates of their daddies" don't you agree? Sango needled looking at the three mini versions of Miroku, Kouga, and Inuyasha

"Hey wait a minute who's is the fourth one," Keade pulled back the cover on the fourth boys face "What how the hell did Sesshoumaru get in there?"

"I should think without asking you would already know the answer to your own question fool," Sesshoumar said as he entered the hut smacking Inuyasha upside the head

"I I'm a daddy," Inuyasha gasped

"Yes as are all of us," Sesshoumaru replied

"But how come none of us can remember doing it with her? Inuyasha asked

"You always had rust in your head instead of a brain," Sesshoumaru jabbed

"See look at that we get all the pain and they get all the pleasure," Kagome griped "Men castrations to kind for them,"

**Sometime later**

"What was that? Sango asked after hearing a scream

"I know that scream anywhere Kagome," Inuyasha said then ran into the hut followed by the others when they entered she was feeling her body as if checking

"Everything is still there check," she lifted the bed covers and looked "Flat belly check, no pain double check, no pups check. Phew thank god," Kagome exclaimed

"Pups no pain flat belly? Wench what in hell are you going on about? Inuyasha asked

"It was a dream thank gods it was only a dream it felt and seemed so real," she replied

"What was only a dream? Sango asked Kagome told them

"Mutt face, the monk, and me, and then Sesshoumaru had pups with you at the same time holy mother that is a good one," Kouga said

"Yep thank gods I'm not pupped," Kagome exclaimed

"Oh but you are," a smooth deep voice said everyone turned to see Sesshoumaru entering

"What? Oh real funny so funny I forgot to laugh" Kagome said "Enough with the jokes that dream was bad enough,"

"Oh but I assure you that you are very much pupped," he told her

"Yeah right come on stop pulling my chain,"

"You are and everyone knows I do not speak untruths," he reminded

"Yup he may be lord cold ass stick in the mud but he doesn't lie," Inuyasha said

"What is this dream you speak of? Sesshoumaru questioned she explained it to him "Interesting"

"Hey wait a minute she's pupped you say so why are you here?" Kagome smirked "You and fluff over there, for how long? Inuyasha asked

"Three months," Sesshoumaru answered

"Sneaky bastard," Inuyasha exclaimed

"Oh please gods tell me it's not four like in my dream," Kagome pled

"No he is a healthy male," Seshoumaru told her "You will only carry three months then have him,"

"Congratulations," the others said in unison

"Come miko it is time that I officially mark you and make you my mate,"

"Fluffys getting married," Inuyasha ragged

"Yup and fluffys going to be getting some," Kagome needled

"Geez wench I did not need to know that" when are ya going to stop doing that?

"Never it's too much fun watching you cringe," she teased

"Oh wenchy poo four pups," Inuyasha jabbed "Awesome, hah?"

"When I come back I'm killing you," Kagome promised

"I'll be waiting sweetness,"

Story 4

**Riling The Miko**

Sesshoumaru had for several days been watching watched Inuyasha, and Kagome battling and unexpectedly found he really enjoyed it a lot he thought it very humorous when the little miko was a holy terror. He spent two weeks watching the pair going at it while doing so saw that their friends the monk and slayer also took great pleasure in it, one particular day was his favorite

"Oh no you don't every time you have one of test things you're gone y for two days then I have to go and get you," Inuyasha complained

"Okay then big boy let's make this fair no Kikyo for a month," Kagome replied

'Ouch miko score one little brother zero' Sesshoumaru thought and laughed he loved Inuyasha's stunned silence and whiter then snow face

"What? Kagome don't be stupid" Inuyasha responded

"It's fair no school for me no Kikyo for you now man up" how about three months with no ramen?

"Nooooo" he wailed "I'll starve to death Kagome that is low rotten and cruel sadistic mean wench,"

"No smart wench, ya got to give if you wanna get," she needled

"Damn all wenches are from hell," he grouched and stomped away in defeat

"Hah my work is done,"

It was new and began when Sesshoumaru stopped by one day "What the hell do you want fuzz ball? Inuyasha bit

"Obviously not you flea breeding farm," Sesshoumaru shot back

"Good coming from he who in dog form is a giant floor duster," Inuyasha shot back grinning afterward

This is how a new match began

Sesshoumnaru slowly worked it to get the ball rolling and got what he wanted "Annoying harping she devil,"

"Prince running mouth Acuma's reject from hell," Kagome shot back

"Princess frigid know it all but in reality knows nothing,"

"Prince comes to quick and I do mean to quick," she shot back

"Queen can't keep a snake interested long enough for it to spit,"

"Sad"

"What is sad is that you lost this battle long before the war even started," he smugly needled

"No poor puppy that your penis is the one with the brain poor overworked little man,"

"Whoa the dick slam I feel the burn all the way over here, that is one hundred point score fluffy maybe three," Inuyasha exclaimed

"That cave of yours is so barren from never being used all the bats fled for their lives years ago only dust and cob webs remain and sadly the poor spiders died trying to escape," Sesshoumaru jabbed

"Shit that is an easy one hundred and fifty points for Sessh," Sango said

"I praise the king," Miroku added

"Damn Sang you're a girl and your siding with the dog," Inuyasha exclaimed

"You keep score for the girls and I'll keep score for the boys," grinning Sango answered

"Gender traitor I love it what the hell deal,"

"Really? You're so pure you could be a monk . You should hang out with Miroku and learn a few things at least he makes an effort," Kagome insulted

"Cough, cough holy crap," Miroku said after the tea in his mouth sprayed across the ground "A dagger plunged below the waist line,"

"You consider ass groping making an effort," in a flash Kagome was laid across his lap being spanked "Is this enough of an effort for you? Sesshoumaru asked

"Why you, you dirty dog let me go now," she demanded

"No not until after you've finished you discipline naughty miko,"

"Damn you I'm going to roast you and feed you to other demons as dog treats,"

An idea struck Kagome she managed to get one hand far enough to under his legs enabling her to reach her target she smirked. Sesshoumaru suddenly felt his male treasure tingling along with a warming sensation. Simultaneously he halted his movements his eyes widened and shock covered his face when he and the others saw the pink glow of her miko powers

"Oh shit she's really going to do it she's going to purify fluffys tree trunk off," Inuyasha exclaimed

"Now that would be a crime," Sango said

"She wouldn't," Miroku stated

Suddenly Sesshoumaru let go of her and Kagome wasted no time quickly getting back onto her feet and took off into the forest. Once the initial shock wore off and his senses were restored his lips turned up into a devious smile. Then all that was seen was a streak passing by as it disappeared into the woods Inuyasha was curious now

"Oh shit this is bad," Inuyasha exclaimed

"How so? Miroku asked

"Because he smiled,"

"Yeah so?" Sango replied

"He only smiles just before someone dies and usually he's the one doing the killing. And on rare occasions it is before he seriously injures someone," Inuyasha explained

"Aw come on Inuyasha you saw it she did not really purify his male pride off he wouldn't really kill her for warming it a little," Sango said

"You guys stay here I can get to them faster than you I'll be back," the concerned hanyou told them then took off running at top speed

"I can hardly wait to see what happens," Miroku said

Inuyasha tracked his brother and Kagome it did not go as quickly or as easily as he would have liked because of Sesshoumaru's speed "Damn flying show off," Inuyasha mumbled

He continued tracking and about an hour later he came up on a densely covered with thick foliage patch of forest and stopped when he heard voices "Aggravating verbally castrating wench," Sesshoumaru insulted

"Pompous egotistical boring make a woman's blood run cold ice prince," Kagome replied

"Frigid ice burg ah you witch,"

'Shit is she zapping his dick again? Inuyasha thought "Damn she is deadly oh well at least they haven't killed each other yet,"

"I, I ha hate you," Kagome said

'Damn they've been fighting so long wench is tired and almost out of breath' Inuyasha thought

"Bi bitch," Sesshoumaru replied

"Bastaaaaard," she shrieked

'"Sniff, what the hel! Inuyasha started to ask in his mind then stopped as it hit him he looked then immediately fled

**Back at camp**

Inuyasha returned flustered looking like he was in a state of shock like he had just seen a corpse rise from the dead "So Inuyasha is everything okay? Inwardly smirking Miroku asked

"What happened? Where are they? Sango asked

"They, they were," Inuyasha started then couldn't finish

"They were what? Miroku, and Sango asked

Inuyasha gulped three mouth fulls of strong sake "They were fight fucking,"

"Fight fucking? Miroku, and Sango repeated in unison

"Yup" remember how they were fighting before they left?

"Yes I do," Miroku answered

"You mean argued then did it? Makes sense it does make the sex hotter and the pleasure more intense"

"No they were fighting and fucking at the same time that's why it's called fight fucking. Oh my poor virgin eyes are burning my innocent brain is bleeding from the horror I'll never be the same," Inuyasha told them then shared the rest of the experience with them

"Wow those nasty insults while making love," Miroku commented

"I never thought mister refined always in control never loses his cool or swears Sessh was such a dirty talking freak. He called her a bitch and she called him a bastard while climaxing," Inuyasha said

"Kagome I am so proud of you," Miroku exclaimed

"Hehehe sweet little Kagome is a kinky hentai go Kagome," Sango praised

"So tell me did Sesshoumaru shift his hips or hold to the left? Miroku asked to freak out the poor shaken as it was hanyou to get a rise

"Like I know or want to know that you perverted asshole," Inuyasha replied "Sake I need more sake,"

"Kagome didn't purify Sesshoumaru's jewels she used her powers to turn him on," Sango said

Twenty minutes after downing a bottle and a half of sake Inuyasha began to feel the full effects of it hitting him full force yep he was one happily stoned smiling hanyou. Three hours passed then Sesshoumaru came back acting as if nothing had happened Miroku was barely hiding a proud perverted smile

"Hey big bro slipped that knot, hah?' Inuyasha started

"What nonsense is this you speak of? Sesshoumaru asked

"Bi bitch," Inuyasha answered with a big knowing smirk "Bastaaaaard" What the hell happened to just calling each others names while busting a nut?

"You, you followed us?" indignant Kagome said at the same time entering the camp

"Yeah stupid me was worried you two were gonna kill each other. Didn't expect or want to see fight fucking,"

"You little weasel I am so going to murder you," Kagome bit and lunged for him

"Getting old wench ah wait all fight fucked out, hah?" he ragged

"Let go put me down fluffy," Kagome griped arms and legs flailing as she was lifted off her feet by Sesshoumaru

"You will not be committing any murders," he replied

"Oh sure you pompous ass one dog always sticks up for the other,"

"And some mouthy wenches continuously need discipline repeatedly," Sesshoumaru needled

"When I get loose your one dead rotten dirty dog,"

"You are an annoying nagging complaining she demon so aggravating that acuma kicked you out of and from hell permanently," he shot back setting her back on her feet

"Yeah I'll give you till the count of ten head start so haul your nuts in and run for your life, ten,"

"Idol threats from a weak female what a waste," he insulted then took off the chase was on

"You know those two will be going at it when their old and decrepit, all hell I mean hail fight fucking," Inuyasha said with slurred speech

"A men to that," Sango, and Miroku added and the three shared sake in celebration


End file.
